Derek Mackie: New Greens leader....is the old Greens leader!

And now, on Would I Lie to You - the country’s highest rating political talk-show - we present this week’s most ridiculous story in the world of NZ politics. 

 I’m Conn Stantleigh-Probin. And welcome to Now You’re Really Taking the Piss, the light-hearted section at the end of our show aimed at injecting some much needed humour into an otherwise hopeless situation. 

It allows viewers to pull back from the abyss and realise there might just be a reason to go on living, and watching live TV, after all the political double-talk and inanity they’ve just been subjected to by the “best and brightest” we can dredge up to lead our once glorious nation. 

 You’d be hard pushed to find anything more absurd and laughable than the re-election of Greens co-leader, James Shaw. 

 Back in late July at the Green Party’s AGM, delegates were less than enamoured with James’ plans on apocalyptic climate change management.

A sizable, fit-to-be-sectioned 30% of the Party were deeply disappointed in Shaw’s limp-wristed attempts at ruining the country to supposedly “save the Planet”. 

 Willing to settle for nothing less than a complete shutdown of the economy to reduce our shameful, yet microscopic 0.17% contribution to global CO2 emissions, they refused to endorse him as co-leader and he failed to secure the 75% required to keep him in his position. 

 But, a week’s a long time in politics, as they say. 

So imagine how interminable six weeks can be, especially in gender and climate-obsessed Green Party Land. Where weird and wacky is the new normal, minorities rule, personal pronouns are a social minefield and sensible policy is a long forgotten cold case. 

 Shaw was up against stiff competition….from himself!! 

Yes, you heard me right. No other candidates put their name forward. 

Not even one of the outraged 30% who were so disgusted with James that they wanted him gone. 

 It was expected to be a close run thing, coming right down to the wire. Shaw versus Shaw. 

But, who would’ve predicted he would win a landslide of 138 votes out of 142 (97%), crushing himself mercilessly in a victory of epic proportions. 

At least the 4 tree-huggers who didn’t vote for James stuck to their eco-friendly paintball guns and abstained. 

Or more likely, didn’t read the one line voting instruction and spoiled their ballot papers by somehow missing the only box on the page where the cross goes. 

 Everyone at Green Party HQ is delighted with the result and can’t wait to welcome their new old leader back again. 

His co-leader said:- 

 “It’s great to have him back. Hardly seems like he left, which I suppose he didn’t, really. 

 The Party has spoken and confirmed their almost complete faith in James, who only six weeks ago was heading for the political wilderness, which sounds like a great place to reconnect with nature. 

He fought an inspired leadership campaign…against nobody. Standing firm on the policies which irritated so many of our Party, he swept all opposition aside, of which there was none, and has been welcomed back into the fold like the prodigal gender-neutral, non-female offspring returning home. 

I’m looking forward to continuing our bold action together on climate change…and maybe making it a little bit bolder to ensure that NO wealth creating sector of our economy survives unscathed.” 

 Yes, folks. Who in their right mind would support a political party:-

• that votes to reject one of its leaders….
• who then challenges for the leadership contest….
• against nobody else….
• and wins with an overwhelming majority.

 And we thought Labour was bad. Which, of course they are. Terrible, awful bunch of useless talking heads. 

It’s just that the Greens take incompetence and farce to a whole new level!

I’m Conn Stantleigh-Probin. Goodnight! 

Derek Mackie is a geologist with a keen interest in current affairs.