Last week ACT leader David Seymour brutally shocked Stuff journalists at a press conference when he boldly declared, “one and one make two”.
A female reporter promptly fainted while another vomited. Many male reporters present emerged ashen faced and plainly traumatised. The wider condemnatory reactions have been swift.
Massey University Sociology Professor James Wilson said, “Seymour’s unthinking simplicity should be strongly condemned. Does an apple pip alongside a mature Granny Smith constitute two. This sort of arrogance from a non mathematical public figure is simply appalling.”
“Utter bastardry”, declared Mavis O’Brien, President of the Welfare Recipients’ Rights Association. “Seymour takes us for fools. We get his message loud and clear in this poorly disguised attack on welfare recipients fundamental right to a decent life without having to justify themselves.”
Waikato University’s Professor of Maori Wonderfulness, Rata Murphy, said Seymour’s outburst was plainly a disgusting racist attack against maoridom. He added he was planning a hikoi to march down the North Island to Parliament in protest and had hired 12 buses for that purpose.
Television’s John Campbell is reportedly bed-ridden, thus missing his daily line-dancing session and is in a distressed state after pooing in his best lace panties after reading Seymour’s disgusting assertion.
Opposition leader Chris Hipkins expressed his shock. “I was so upset I dropped my teddy bear just as I was putting it to bed”.
In an editorial Stuff’s “The Post” wrote, “Our ancestors who fought and died opposing fascism must be rolling in their graves. Their sacrifice was in vain if Seymour is allowed to get away with this loathsome attack on struggling kiwi battlers”.
The Prime Minister, Chris Luxon, when pressed by Stuff as to what action he planned, disgracefully ducked for cover, asserting ACT is an independent party outside of his authority.
Asked whether he was shocked by Seymour’s vile outburst, he said he did not see it as an issue but personally had also subscribed to the view that one and one makes two.
This abominable failure in political leadership, moreso following Seymour’s recidivist behaviour given his despicable assertion only a fortnight earlier that the cat sat on the mat, leaves Stuff to the clear conclusion, the current government’s lack of a moral compass is a serious threat to the nation’s general well-being.
Sir Bob Jones is a renowned author, columnist , property investor, and former politician, who blogs at No Punches Pulled HERE - where this article was sourced.
“Utter bastardry”, declared Mavis O’Brien, President of the Welfare Recipients’ Rights Association. “Seymour takes us for fools. We get his message loud and clear in this poorly disguised attack on welfare recipients fundamental right to a decent life without having to justify themselves.”
Waikato University’s Professor of Maori Wonderfulness, Rata Murphy, said Seymour’s outburst was plainly a disgusting racist attack against maoridom. He added he was planning a hikoi to march down the North Island to Parliament in protest and had hired 12 buses for that purpose.
Television’s John Campbell is reportedly bed-ridden, thus missing his daily line-dancing session and is in a distressed state after pooing in his best lace panties after reading Seymour’s disgusting assertion.
Opposition leader Chris Hipkins expressed his shock. “I was so upset I dropped my teddy bear just as I was putting it to bed”.
In an editorial Stuff’s “The Post” wrote, “Our ancestors who fought and died opposing fascism must be rolling in their graves. Their sacrifice was in vain if Seymour is allowed to get away with this loathsome attack on struggling kiwi battlers”.
The Prime Minister, Chris Luxon, when pressed by Stuff as to what action he planned, disgracefully ducked for cover, asserting ACT is an independent party outside of his authority.
Asked whether he was shocked by Seymour’s vile outburst, he said he did not see it as an issue but personally had also subscribed to the view that one and one makes two.
This abominable failure in political leadership, moreso following Seymour’s recidivist behaviour given his despicable assertion only a fortnight earlier that the cat sat on the mat, leaves Stuff to the clear conclusion, the current government’s lack of a moral compass is a serious threat to the nation’s general well-being.
Sir Bob Jones is a renowned author, columnist , property investor, and former politician, who blogs at No Punches Pulled HERE - where this article was sourced.
8 comments:
Sir Bob, it would be hilarious if it wasn't totally true. I'm 74 and for the first time in my lifetime I feel ashamed and embarrassed due to the mainstream media corrupted by Ardern's money. Kiwialan.
Top shelf satire Mr Jones. Next course - withering sarcasm please.
Haha, a nice morning laugh, thanks Bob. Just wondering how do you know John Campbell wears lace panties p)
Keeping this one in my 'classic' file. Love it.
Absolutely hilarious Bob. NZ needs more of your satirical humour to neutralise the crazies.
Very funny, Bob.
And no mention of grammatical errors! Keep it up.
- "Waikato University’s Professor of Maori Wonderfulness, Rata Murphy, said Seymour’s outburst was plainly a disgusting racist attack against Maoridom. He added he was planning a hikoi to march down the North Island to Parliament in protest and had hired 12 buses for that purpose".
Sir Robert - may I suggest that said gentleman ring Whina Cooper and speak to her about Hikoi's and that Maori 'walk in protest', not turn up in a bus paid for by the NZ Taxpayer!
The other questions said fella should be asked, how may -??
- toilet stops are planned, whilst travelling to Wellington
- stops at Macca's for Kai are being considered
- hotel rooms will be required once in Wellington??
- hours will they need to practice their Haka, so when facing David S, they can (once again) display their collective, political voice of disapproval _ on this point maybe they could borrow the Haka from the Hurricanes Female rugby team or maybe the students of Freyburg Highschool in Palmy - it will short circuit need for words & practice - already done.
I know, the article is a humorous "p... take'", along with a "proof reader", but I thought I would bolster Sir Robert's comments!
Oh, Sir Robert "How is the trout fishing these days"? "Catching any TVNZ reporters on the back cast"?
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"Laugh? I nearly bought my own beer"
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