Prime Minister: Good afternoon, everyone. Today, I’d like to make a few simple statements about New Zealand. Firstly, New Zealand is in the South Pacific Ocean. Secondly, the kiwi is a flightless bird native to New Zealand. And finally, Wellington is New Zealand’s capital city.
Media: Prime Minister, you say New Zealand is in the South Pacific. Can you give us the exact coordinates?
PM: Well, New Zealand spans several degrees of latitude and longitude.
Media: So, you’re refusing to pinpoint our nation’s location? What are you hiding?
PM: I’m not hiding anything. New Zealand is a large country.
Media: Prime Minister, your coalition partner recently suggested that New Zealand could be towed closer to Australia. How do you respond to that?
PM: I don’t think anyone has seriously suggested that. New Zealand’s location is fixed.
Media: Are you saying your coalition partner is lying? Is there a rift in the Government?
PM: No, that’s not what I’m saying at all.
Media: Sources close to Cabinet say you’ve been secretly funding flying lessons for kiwis. Is that why you’re emphasising their flightless nature?
PM: What? No, kiwis are naturally flightless.
Media: So, you’re admitting to discrimination against flightless birds? Isn’t that divisive?
PM: I don’t see how that’s relevant.
Media: Prime Minister, in your maiden speech you mentioned enjoying Auckland. Have you done a U-turn on your support for Wellington as the capital?
PM: No, I enjoy both cities. Wellington is still the capital.
Media: A simple yes or no, Prime Minister: Will you resign if kiwi birds start flying tomorrow?
PM: That’s an absurd hypothetical.
Media: You’re dodging the question! What are you afraid of?
PM: I’m not afraid of anything, it’s just not a realistic scenario.
Media: Are you willing to commit to a referendum on moving the capital to the Chatham Islands to boost their economy?
PM: Look, I think we’re getting off track. Today, all I wanted was to present you with three basic facts about our country. If there are no further questions, I’ll wrap things up here.
Media: [Collective gasp] Did you just say “facts” and “today”? Are you implying that everything else you’ve told us so far has been fiction?
PM: No, that’s not what I …
Media: BREAKING NEWS: PM admits to years of government fabrications!
Dr Oliver Hartwich is the Executive Director of The New Zealand Initiative think tank. This article was first published HERE.
PM: Well, New Zealand spans several degrees of latitude and longitude.
Media: So, you’re refusing to pinpoint our nation’s location? What are you hiding?
PM: I’m not hiding anything. New Zealand is a large country.
Media: Prime Minister, your coalition partner recently suggested that New Zealand could be towed closer to Australia. How do you respond to that?
PM: I don’t think anyone has seriously suggested that. New Zealand’s location is fixed.
Media: Are you saying your coalition partner is lying? Is there a rift in the Government?
PM: No, that’s not what I’m saying at all.
Media: Sources close to Cabinet say you’ve been secretly funding flying lessons for kiwis. Is that why you’re emphasising their flightless nature?
PM: What? No, kiwis are naturally flightless.
Media: So, you’re admitting to discrimination against flightless birds? Isn’t that divisive?
PM: I don’t see how that’s relevant.
Media: Prime Minister, in your maiden speech you mentioned enjoying Auckland. Have you done a U-turn on your support for Wellington as the capital?
PM: No, I enjoy both cities. Wellington is still the capital.
Media: A simple yes or no, Prime Minister: Will you resign if kiwi birds start flying tomorrow?
PM: That’s an absurd hypothetical.
Media: You’re dodging the question! What are you afraid of?
PM: I’m not afraid of anything, it’s just not a realistic scenario.
Media: Are you willing to commit to a referendum on moving the capital to the Chatham Islands to boost their economy?
PM: Look, I think we’re getting off track. Today, all I wanted was to present you with three basic facts about our country. If there are no further questions, I’ll wrap things up here.
Media: [Collective gasp] Did you just say “facts” and “today”? Are you implying that everything else you’ve told us so far has been fiction?
PM: No, that’s not what I …
Media: BREAKING NEWS: PM admits to years of government fabrications!
Dr Oliver Hartwich is the Executive Director of The New Zealand Initiative think tank. This article was first published HERE.
3 comments:
“Absurd Beehive theatre”.
Yep, that’s what voting for “selected state puppets” gets you, plus you get to pay for it all. Enjoy the show while it lasts.
Well done. Very amusing.
Dr. Hartwich - you need to stop watching - CNN, MSB, ABC (America), CDC, when they "portray Kamala Harris, in the same light as you have presented the PM of NZ".
The issue with Ms Harris, all her words are treated "as Gospel".
The only thing that was missing, in your recording of the PM Presser, was the NZ PM being dominant in avoiding any and all questions, and when speaking presenting one narrative above all else (just like Ms Harris does) and any silly question/s that the NZ MSM wish to, want to, try to present, so that any answer that the PM may give, will be immediately presented to The NZ Public in a derogatory light and by association casing "shadow" on both Winston Peters & David Seymour.
Maybe the NZ PM should "take a leaf out of Ms Harris's playbook" and that is "select only whom you wish to talk to", on your conditions - not those of the MSM.
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