Here’s a door….with protection officers
Windows 1 - 2 - 3 - 4…and counting
Ready to knock? Don’t!
Turn the lock….and go through security
It’s Parliamentary Play School!
Today children, we’re going to look through the round window……..with the big crack in it, which naughty Trevor, the Play School toy-bully, broke before he had to be given away to the charity shop.
It still hasn’t been fixed because there’s a national shortage of glaziers and the toys can’t agree whether to let more in from overseas.
Silly toys!
Shall we see what the Play School toys are up to?
Come on, don’t be scared. I know the toys can be a little noisy and rude at times but this is Parliament, remember.
Look! There they are, children.
Jacinda, our kind and caring doll with the great big smile and nodding head.
Willie, our laughing clown with the cord you can pull to make him say “some toys are more equal than others”
Whatever that means!
Silly Willie!
And Nanaia, our big stern teddy bear who can squeeze you tight until you play the game she wants to play.
They’re in the Cabinet Playroom today.
Shall we go in and play?
Hello toys! I’ve brought the children to play. Isn’t that nice?
I said “ISN’T THAT NICE”.
That’s better. Just remember what happened to Trevor, eh!
We have to promise to be on our best behaviour today and not use rude words.
Yes, I’m talking to you, Jacinda.
I beg your pardon?
“Prick” isn’t a rude word?
I think it is. Remember Jacinda, I was there when you called me one, after I told you off for sitting in Nanaia’s chair, eating her breakfast and lying in her bed.
Don’t know what you were playing at. You live in a fairytale sometimes, my girl!
Sorry, Jacinda?
Oh, so when you used the P-word you were referring to your favourite part in the Play School story that day - Sleeping Beauty?
I see. You have a smart answer for everything, don’t you?
OK, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, Jacinda.
But I’m not sure the children believe you so you need to make a card with “I’m VERY Sorry” on it, then sign it and we can auction it on the Play School website.
The money can go towards our New Toys fund.
Now, what are you toys fighting about….I mean discussing nicely today?
What did you say, Nanaia? Free….. Water?
Well, all water is freely available and everyone’s equally entitled to it. Even the children know that.
Oh, I’m sorry….. Three Waters, you said. My mistake.
What on earth’s that, Nanaia?
Your new game. And how does it work?
Oh, it’s like Monopoly? I love that game and so do the children.
But, it’s much better than Monopoly because there are just 4 properties which are all Water Works. Mmmm…OK.
You own two, and your sister bear owns the other two. You then sell water to all the other toys and collect $200 every time they pass GO.
Sounds a bit like a royalty! I’ll explain that later, children.
But how do the other toys buy a Water Works?
They’re not allowed to? Well, that’s not very fair, Nanaia!
So what do they do?
Oh, they just roll the dice to see which Water Works they land on and how much they have to pay you or your sister.
But that means you always win, and they always lose.
What’s that?
Those are the only games you like to play.
Now Nanaia! That’s a terrible example to set for all the children. No, we can’t have that.
Three Waters is not a suitable game for Play School. We’re going to put it in the charity shop pile….or maybe the rubbish bin.
Now Nanaia, control your temper.
Stop laughing, Jacinda! And for goodness sake cut Willie’s cord, will you? He’s getting excited.
Let go of my arm, Nanaia. Please!
There’s nothing to worry about, children. She’s just giving me a big friendly bear hug.
Ow, that hurts. LET GO, you crazy bear!
That’s it! I’ve warned you before.
Children, I’m going to put Nanaia back in the toy box for being bad. I have to put the padlock on because she can get very angry.
GET…IN!
Phew! That was fun, wasn’t it.
Shall we all sit down and watch something nice on TV while I calm down and rub my arm better?
What’s that, Willie?
You’re in charge of the TV - and the radio - and you get to choose what everyone watches.
No, that’s not sharing nicely, is it?
We’ll all discuss what we want to watch and the programme with the most votes wins. Just like a democracy!
I beg your pardon, Willie?
You think democracy’s outdated and a Western construct to discriminate against clowns, which are a very small but really important toy minority who should be in charge?
Really, Willie! Where do you get these ideas from?
What would you like to watch, Jacinda?
“Moving Houses”?
I’ve never heard of it. Is it about doll’s houses on TradeMe?
No…..stupid?
Watch your language, Jacinda.
Oh, it’s your favourite show?
You watch it because you like the male presenter?
You think he’s cute.
Right, that’s enough of that, Jacinda!
How about something all the children at home would like to watch?
What’s that, you two?
You don’t care what the children like…. or want?
That is very rude and disrespectful to your audience. Just remember, that without them you wouldn’t be in Parliamentary Play School.
Give the TV remote to me, Willie.
Hand it over….. NOW!
Did you just call me a useless clown?
And, you say Jacinda pretends to be nice but is really a big fat liar?
I’m so sorry children, all the toys are behaving very badly today.
Willie, you’re going in the toy box with Nanaia. In….you….go!
Be quiet or I’ll have to wrap your cord around your neck like last time… but tighter!
There we are. It’s just me and Jacinda left, children.
What’s that Jacinda?
I can’t hear you, you’ll have to speak up.
Willie’s a….. prick!
Right Miss, I’ve had enough. You’re in the box, too.
Goodness, children!
Today, our toys have been showing all of you at home all the things NOT to do or say…… again.
Remember, no matter how much we love our toys when they're shiny and new, after a few years we can get thoroughly sick and tired of them.
Especially when they do the same naughty things over and over again, no matter how many times we ask them not to.
So don’t feel bad, children, when it’s time to choose another toy and throw the old ones out.
Next week, when I see you again, we might very well have some brand new toys to play with…. and that bloody round window will finally have been fixed.
Goodbye!
Derek Mackie is a geologist with a keen interest in current affairs.
1 comment:
Very good, and your memory is pretty good too.
Interesting how 'prick' appears to only have one meaning these days, for the many other times when it could rightly be used - as when getting vaxxed or some blood taken, that's forewarned as a 'small scratch'. A complete an utter nonsense if ever there were, for a scratch is nothing like a prick, but that's purportedly so no offence is caused. I would have thought that, if you're offended you need to take your mind out of the gutter and, if you're very young, you should only know the dictionary meanings of the word at best, anyway. But we're all such snowflakes...
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