Derek Mackie: Retail therapy

Ponsonby prices eye-popping, Ms Green went a-shopping

High-end retail, exclusive, no trash 

She’d brought just enough money 

For the taxi home, honey 

She’d be needing to leave in a flash 

Ms Green looked around, designer merch I’ll be bound 

Her eyes wide with excitement, the thrill 

Such lovely handbags and purses 

Stick-thin skirts, tops and dresses 

And no need to checkout at the till 

While browsing away, she checked all was OK 

No cameras to capture the act 

Packed her bag to the brim 

And then on a whim 

Asked for a plastic-free designer sack 

After filling this too, said she was going to the loo 

And made a bee-line straight for the door 

There the store manager stood 

Arms akimbo, stern mood 

“Stand aside, miss. Put the bags on the floor” 

Payment before possession? That’s minority oppression 

Ms Green wasn’t standing for that 

Clutching her bags to her chest 

She refused the request 

And fled the shop like a scalded she-cat 

With time to reflect on her plight, she booked an overseas flight 

A well-earned break, nice hotel on the beach 

Away from the media 

Endless Green Party tedia 

And the long arm of the law out of reach 

Sipping her cocktail, her phone beeped “You’ve got mail” 

From her co-leaders demanding to know 

When are you coming back 

Should we give you the sack 

Or blame it all on colonial woes 

Her day in court had arrived, she held her head high with pride 

The judge summed up the case, no excuses 

Retail capitalism gone mad 

Systemic racism, how sad 

Worst of all, personal pronoun abuses 

Not Guilty - it’s clear! Dismay, anguish and fear 

You’ve been put through a painful ordeal 

The shop must pay compensation 

The State must make reparations 

And you get to keep all the gear, yes for real 

Crime doesn’t pay, or so they used to say 

Seems obvious - you don’t need a degree 

But now, if you’re the right kind of minority 

Which appeals to “progressive” authority 

Give your spirits a lift, shop for free 

Derek Mackie is a former geologist with a keen interest in current affairs and a penchant for satire.