“We have found unfair advantages in New Zealand’s ecosystems,” said a Commission spokesperson. “It is time to level the playing field in our natural world.”
First target: the silver fern. “There is an imbalance in national symbol representation,” the spokesperson explained. “We will enforce a quota system for fern species. No more forest monopolies!”
The kiwi is next. Its night habits give it an edge in the worm market. “All native birds must follow an approved foraging schedule,” said the spokesperson. “No species should have an unfair food advantage.”
Marine life is not safe either. “Some fish have too much access to good reef spots,” the spokesperson argued. “We will rotate coral hideouts. No more underwater land banking!”
Plant life faces new rules too. Trees must account for their oxygen output and carbon dioxide intake. “This is gas market manipulation,” the spokesperson said. “We will conduct an extensive market study in this area.”
The spokesperson continued, “We have noticed the Pohutukawa’s dominance in coastal areas. It is time to give other trees a fair chance at sea views.”
Bees are not exempt. “Their monopoly on pollination services is concerning,” the spokesperson noted. “We will introduce other insects to the market to promote healthy competition.”
The Tuatara’s longevity is under scrutiny. “Living for over 100 years gives them an unfair advantage,” said the spokesperson. “We are considering age limits to allow younger species a fair shot.”
Even the weather is facing regulation. “Some regions get too much sunshine,” the spokesperson observed. “We will be redistributing cloud cover for a more equitable climate experience.”
The Commission is also targeting New Zealand’s geothermal activity. “Rotorua’s dominance in the hot spring market is problematic,” the spokesperson stated. “We are exploring ways to ensure all regions have access to bubbling mud pools.”
As nature adapts to these changes, many wonder if the Commission has gone too far. But they are just applying proper planning for natural outcomes as they do in other markets. In this way, they are determined to make a difference for New Zealand.
In this new world of eco-rules, New Zealand’s wildlife will survive by following Commission guidelines.
Who knows? We might even see Moa again. But it might first have to overcome barriers to entry.
Dr Oliver Hartwich is the Executive Director of The New Zealand Initiative think tank. This article was first published HERE.
The kiwi is next. Its night habits give it an edge in the worm market. “All native birds must follow an approved foraging schedule,” said the spokesperson. “No species should have an unfair food advantage.”
Marine life is not safe either. “Some fish have too much access to good reef spots,” the spokesperson argued. “We will rotate coral hideouts. No more underwater land banking!”
Plant life faces new rules too. Trees must account for their oxygen output and carbon dioxide intake. “This is gas market manipulation,” the spokesperson said. “We will conduct an extensive market study in this area.”
The spokesperson continued, “We have noticed the Pohutukawa’s dominance in coastal areas. It is time to give other trees a fair chance at sea views.”
Bees are not exempt. “Their monopoly on pollination services is concerning,” the spokesperson noted. “We will introduce other insects to the market to promote healthy competition.”
The Tuatara’s longevity is under scrutiny. “Living for over 100 years gives them an unfair advantage,” said the spokesperson. “We are considering age limits to allow younger species a fair shot.”
Even the weather is facing regulation. “Some regions get too much sunshine,” the spokesperson observed. “We will be redistributing cloud cover for a more equitable climate experience.”
The Commission is also targeting New Zealand’s geothermal activity. “Rotorua’s dominance in the hot spring market is problematic,” the spokesperson stated. “We are exploring ways to ensure all regions have access to bubbling mud pools.”
As nature adapts to these changes, many wonder if the Commission has gone too far. But they are just applying proper planning for natural outcomes as they do in other markets. In this way, they are determined to make a difference for New Zealand.
In this new world of eco-rules, New Zealand’s wildlife will survive by following Commission guidelines.
Who knows? We might even see Moa again. But it might first have to overcome barriers to entry.
Dr Oliver Hartwich is the Executive Director of The New Zealand Initiative think tank. This article was first published HERE.
3 comments:
You’ve got to be kidding?
This would be more realistic if it was all about how unfair it is that plants and animals that don't live in NZ are not allowed unfettered access to NZ.
Bring them in cried the NZ Initiative, they will only improve our sad little country.
We really are a sad, sad little country at the end of nowhere.
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