However, there is a small problem.
Trying to find savings for the same Minister, departments have used work-from-home policies to lower the amount of office space they require. Smaller offices mean lower rents for government, meaning departments can point to cost savings.
Hence the government finds itself in a conundrum – it wants workers back in offices, but in many cases these offices no longer exist.
Eager to help the government implement its policies effectively, the civil service has risen to meet the challenge.
Their new set of policies unveiled today has been hailed as a masterstroke in "musical chairs economics." These ambitious plans aim to solve the age-old problem of having too many employees and not enough desks.
"We've done the math," declared a triumphant spokesperson, "and we're confident that if we stack our civil servants vertically, we can fit at least 73% of them into our current office space." When asked about the remaining 27%, the spokesperson cheerfully suggested, "Well, that's what car parks are for, isn't it?"
When pressed further on how employees would feel working in this brave new environment the spokesperson replied that “well if a few quit, that’s just helping us achieve our staffing targets, so I don’t really see the issue here.”
In another inspired stroke of genius, the government has also decided to label local Mojo cafes as auxiliary office spaces. "We figure if our employees are going to spend half their day queuing for flat whites, they might as well be doing it on the clock," reasoned a senior official.
The Statistics Department, always ahead of the curve, has already pioneered a revolutionary "fractal seating arrangement." By having employees sit on each other's laps in a recursive pattern, they've managed to fit the entire department into a broom closet. "It's cozy," one statistician reported, "and it's certainly brought us closer as a team."
As for enforcing this new policy in the face of recently signed collective agreements between the government and the Public Services Association? The government's strategy appears to be a mix of fingers-in-ears and loud humming. "Contracts are more guidelines than actual rules," winked a legal advisor. "Besides, we're pretty sure no one actually reads those things."
Max Salmon is a Research Intern at the New Zealand Initiative. He joins as a generalist, with interests in education, infrastructure, and energy. This article was first published HERE
Hence the government finds itself in a conundrum – it wants workers back in offices, but in many cases these offices no longer exist.
Eager to help the government implement its policies effectively, the civil service has risen to meet the challenge.
Their new set of policies unveiled today has been hailed as a masterstroke in "musical chairs economics." These ambitious plans aim to solve the age-old problem of having too many employees and not enough desks.
"We've done the math," declared a triumphant spokesperson, "and we're confident that if we stack our civil servants vertically, we can fit at least 73% of them into our current office space." When asked about the remaining 27%, the spokesperson cheerfully suggested, "Well, that's what car parks are for, isn't it?"
When pressed further on how employees would feel working in this brave new environment the spokesperson replied that “well if a few quit, that’s just helping us achieve our staffing targets, so I don’t really see the issue here.”
In another inspired stroke of genius, the government has also decided to label local Mojo cafes as auxiliary office spaces. "We figure if our employees are going to spend half their day queuing for flat whites, they might as well be doing it on the clock," reasoned a senior official.
The Statistics Department, always ahead of the curve, has already pioneered a revolutionary "fractal seating arrangement." By having employees sit on each other's laps in a recursive pattern, they've managed to fit the entire department into a broom closet. "It's cozy," one statistician reported, "and it's certainly brought us closer as a team."
As for enforcing this new policy in the face of recently signed collective agreements between the government and the Public Services Association? The government's strategy appears to be a mix of fingers-in-ears and loud humming. "Contracts are more guidelines than actual rules," winked a legal advisor. "Besides, we're pretty sure no one actually reads those things."
Max Salmon is a Research Intern at the New Zealand Initiative. He joins as a generalist, with interests in education, infrastructure, and energy. This article was first published HERE
1 comment:
It seems to me that the biggest problem caused by public servants returning to the office (note: no mention of returning to work) will be that it will demonstrate to their employers (that's US Folks) just how much "work" they actually do. We could solve this problem by banging a bunch of tents up along the Wellington waterfront, giving them commensurate working conditions and making Seppo tourists fell at home at the same time.
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