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Monday, January 1, 2024

Derek Mackie: New Year's dis-Honours List




Another year ended, another new year beginning, another New Year’s Honours List. 
Or perhaps it should be called the New Year’s “Honestly - you cannot be serious” List. 

The big standout this year is our ex-Speaker of the House. 
He of the blaring megaphone and parliamentary water sprinklers. 
He of the false sexual misconduct allegations. 
He of the bullying and general unbecoming behaviour for an MP and senior minister. 
He of the huge tax-payer funded personal legal bills. 
He of the half a million dollar parliamentary playground. 

So much to choose from, so little of it worthy. 
If only we could get the Right dis-Honourable Member to pay back the public money he squandered then that might go a little way to justifying the award. 
I do apologise, what am I thinking? Nothing would justify that! 
That large single glass of red with dinner last night must have been bloody strong and scrambled my faculties. Pull yourself together, man! 

These days the Honours List is far less about honour and outstanding achievement, and often all about political and ideological preference and payback. 
Which, like the Oscars now, is probably why most of us couldn’t care less who got awarded what. 
It’s not so much what good deeds you’ve performed and community service you’ve selflessly contributed; rather it’s which political party you belong to or support and how many woke, niche minority groups you identify with. 
In short, it’s less about the calibre of the individual and more about the individual’s cultural, ethnic, gender and political leanings. 

Still, what’s done is done. 
And not wishing to start the year off on a bitter note I can only hope that, with our new coalition government in charge, next year's list will be chock full of genuine awardees and devoid of political embarrassments. 

Which leaves me just to say that…. 

            If it walks like a dick…. 
            Talks like a dick…. 
            And acts like a dick…. 
            It must be a Mallard 

Apologies for my vowel dyslexia - I especially have trouble with my i's and u's.

Have a happy New Year. 


Derek Mackie is a former geologist with a keen interest in current affairs and a penchant for satire.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...



Recall Mallard and Goff from high - sumptuous - office. Very bad managers.

Terry Morrissey said...

"Knights were known for their masterful skills with horses. A knight's code of conduct included: mercy, humility, honor, sacrifice, faithfulness, courage, utmost graciousness and courtesy toward women."
Now they need to be able to be manipulated by a horse,show no mercy to innocent protestors,have no humility, honour,faithfulness and be a cowardly scum and hide behind a "woman".

Doug Longmire said...

Another excellent comment, Derek.
Doug

Anonymous said...

Derek, 2 things -

[1] - quote . "That large single glass of red ...." are you sure it was just 1 glass, not 2 or 3, you know dinner's, that may and/or may not include guests, where the "table discussion becomes a heated verbal assault covering many topics", that at some stage you - "mistakenly hold your glass out (in reality you are emphasizing a point, with glass in hand), a person nearest the bottle, mistakenly thinks you want a (1) top up or (2) a refill" - happens to the best of us!

[2] - Mr T Mallard, if only the NZ MSM would go back and look at this "gentleman's" introduction to Politics, becoming an MP, trying to impress Helen Clark, motivating a young Chris Hipkins, developing the "pain in the arse attitude". Yes the list is endless.

And I would think, that many KoneWone's are thinking just like you - "How the .."?

May 2024 be a pleasant one for you.

robert Arthur said...

It beats me how thwy research nominations. Any enquiries would reveal the intention. And in this PC age, with recording phones and other devices everywhere, and cancellation a huge threat,few will ever express candid reservations. I have considerable regard for Helen Clark, more deserving than most, but who has shunned being associated with such a motley lot.

Allan said...

I suppose that if the public have no say his appointment they can sort of have a no-say by refusing to address or refer to him with the title.