It is ra
rare for dastardly criminals planning to commit a crime to publicly disclose their forward thinking to the
appropriate authorities. I do so today in order to ensure they have plenty of time to prepare a really nice
suite at the Milton Hilton (our
local jail) is available for me after sentencing. I hear that room service is
available along with free dental and health checks and the
gym is well stocked.
I hope that by admitting my guilt before
crime is actually committed, the
judge will reduce the sentence he
would normally impose on someone who pleads guilty after committing the crime. Most criminals apparently regret the crime after being caught or just regret being
caught after the crime. Take your
reason for my enforced stay as a guest at Her Majesty’s institution?
I intend to follow
current fashion and print money. Some of you will say that is a heinous crime
deserving of the most severe
punishment. Counterfeiting after all destroys our monetary system. Society
cannot allow the private printing of
money just because there is a need
for more cash. Society’s politicians however now promote printing our own money
to solve the world’s financial problems
so I figured “sauce for the goose...”
If our politicians believe that printing a couple of billion dollars annually
to pay for their pet projects is
such a good idea then surely my idea
of printing a paltry few dollars more for my projects can’t do any harm.
As I have no wish to be found guilty of plagiarism as well as counterfeiting, I must now acknowledge that
the idea to print money as and when needed is not
new. Many years ago a Major CH Douglas thought it was such a good idea that he called
it “social credit” to legitimise the
printing of money if and when needed. Social Credit sounded so much better than
Money Printing. Expanding the money
supply as a need develops in New Zealand sounds like a really wonderful idea
and we patriotic people should answer the
country’s call and not just leave it all up to the
The good Major Douglas failed to notice that if you increase
the supply of a
product its value trends downwards. That applies to milk, lamb, beef, timber as
well as the actual money you are
printing so you have to keep printing and producing just to retain the status quo.
One well known advocate of this approach is one Robert Mugabe from Zimbabwe where his printing presses simply couldn’t keep up with
the daily devaluation of their currency - but would have been great for the local paper mill, if only they
could have printed enough money to build one.
Despite such obvious examples, this unorthodox approach to monetary policy has caught on world wide by all manner of people including those who are kept in something called a Federal Reserve in
the USA. One assumes this Reserve is
an institution for the criminally
insane who have an uncontrollable urge to print money. Insanity is defined as
doing the same thing over and over
again and expecting a different result.
surprisingly the idea of the good Major Douglas and the
not so good Robert Mugabe, is now fast becoming orthodox monetary policy
endorsed by no lesser political and economic thinkers as our very own Green
Party. This print and distribute policy has the
full backing of their MPs who have
obviously studied President Mugabe’s model and his commitment to printing money
as the simply way to pay off debt.
The sheer brilliance of
the Green’s scheme is that interest rates for
borrowers will be zero and severely punish those responsible for the Global Financial Crisis - the
world’s savers. Those rapacious retired folk who had scraped toge ther a nest egg - deposited in the local bank to assist in their
retirement will get no return on their
deposit. I do struggle to understand how
this policy offers an incentive to people to save. One assumes this is all
about the word sustainability - with
an emphasis on sustaining ( the
Greens) and less about ability. Meanwhile, it’s business and bonuses as usual
for Goldman Sachs and JP Morgan et al.
The printing presses are rolling as
the international banking industry and politicians
now speak - not of Printing Money nor of Social Credit but of - “Quantitative Easing.”
This phrase sounds more like a description given to an old ewe about to give
birth to triplets ra ther than a
monetary expression but there you
have it. All of which gave me the
idea to print my own money as if the
Feds can do it – if the Euro Zone
can do it why not me – or you. We just have to call it “personal quantitative
Meanwhile I intend to call Russell Norman – co leader of
the Greens as an expert
witness for the defence in my trial.
His knowledge of finance should ensure I get a minimum sentence of twenty years
to life at a taxpayer-funded institution where I pay nei ther
rates nor tax and where healthy food is free. I will no longer have to work for
a living and underfloor heating ensures a comfortable life even in winter.
And all this because counterfeiting or increasing
the money supply for a
private benefit is illegal but increasing the
money supply by Government for public benefit and electoral advantage is not.
Both however have exactly the same
effect on savings and the purchasing
power of our dollar and both should be illegal. It is for me but not for him.
I go to jail and Mr Norman goes to Parliament. So how does that work?