If the emergency alert woke you up this morning, warning of strong currents and surges occurring after the M8.8 earthquake off the coast of Russia, do you even care about this country?
If the first sound you heard this morning was the blare of imminent death and not the cracking of your bones after three hours of hard work already done, wake the f**k up, patriot.
[…] If you weren’t upright, taking a break between your 3–6 before your 9–5 and 5–9 to enjoy the sweet taste of lard on toast, try harder.”
The thing about satire, and to an extent all comedy, is that it has to be based on truth. Here all the writer is doing is showing off her bias. The above is aimed at the ACT and the right.
In case you haven’t noticed, the country is circling the drain. Hundreds and thousands of dropkicks can’t even get their sh*t together to enrol to vote and somehow still expect to exercise their franchise in this once proud, organised, optimised and democratic paradise.
This attempt at humour is of course directly aimed at ACT and what is in fact a very sensible policy.
The economy is sicker than Thingee when his eyeball popped out on live TV. An additional 21,000 bludgers were getting the Jobseeker benefit in May compared with last year. Yes, the unemployment rate is higher; yes, there are 27,850 fewer jobs in New Zealand in June compared to the year before; and yes, our wages are lower than Australia’s, but these are excuses. As prime minister Christopher Luxon said about sh*t parents of sh*t kids not going to school, “There is no excuses. What we have in New Zealand is a culture of excuses.”
Yawn. Yes, we all know the current government is sh*t. But she may as well as said it straight. It would have been just funny. Anyway, it carries on…
Struggling to heat your home as power prices climb? Plant a pine forest and pick up an axe. Clogging our ambulance bays with your weak and infirm bodies? Take a shot of turmeric-infused olive oil and harden up. If you can’t even make a bowl of nachos after sending your kid down the mine, have another one and buy a cow. Young and unemployed? Grow up.
Tears rolling down your face with laughter yet?
Right now, our government is working hard to get this country back on track. There’s a hotline for road cones and a review of what jobs children can do on farms (the only answer is more). Butter prices have rightly been deemed an enemy of the state, and everything is fine. Infrastructure is happening soon, and if you didn’t feel good after the reminder of an announcement of a reminder announcement on that, take a look in the mirror, sweetheart. If you can’t see the riches that will pour forth when “New Zealand” sits above “Aotearoa” on the cover of our passports, speak English for f**k’s sake and check thyself before thy wrecks thyself. There are no barriers to growth; there are only the limits of your imagination.
Bet you never thought poking fun at people who think “New Zealand” should be above “Aotearoa” on passports because New Zealand is the official name of country could be funny right?
[…] Get up, snowflakes. Get to work. The country needs you. You survived to 25. If you think someone else is coming with the fix in 26, think again, deadsh*ts. Patriots, that was a wake-up call. Breathe in the new dawn. I love the smell of oil and gas exploration in the morning.
And of course one last dig. I don’t know, maybe regular readers of the Spinoff would find all this hilarious. All I see is the far-left showing everybody else how it sees the rest of us.
Source: https://thespinoff.co.nz/politics/31-07-2025/that-wasnt-an-emergency-alert-it-was-a-wake-up-call-for-dropkicks
Kevin is a Libertarian and pragmatic anarchist. His favourite saying: “There but for the grace of God go I.” This article was first published HERE
2 comments:
The left can’t meme and the left can’t satire because they have no sense of humour. And how can they with all the racism, colonialism and sexism going on? It’s life or death over there in Progressiveland. But I’m really struggling myself to come to any kind of defence for the government, I mean - some of these observations are pretty funny, and true.
The right in New Zealand seems to be pretty bereft of humour as well come to think of it. Unless Buttergate was all for a laugh?
The problem is the Left is incompetent....... but ruthless regarding its goals.
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