Derek Mackie: Waitangi Day - all for one, but not for all!

 Waitangi Day! 

Commemorating that momentous occasion back in 1840 when the British Crown “went into partnership” with a smorgasbord of warring Maori iwi…..

…..well, in spirit if not on paper or in any constitutional sense….. 

…..in fact, almost all the tribes fell over themselves to cede sovereignty in exchange for British citizenship and title to their land and possessions….and just as important, protection from their neighbours. 

 Waitangi Day! 

Our national day of unity and celebration, so we’re told, when everyone…… 

…..well, some of us at least……. 

….actually, only 17% of us can feel welcome on the Treaty Grounds and reflect on all the things that make Aotearoa……. 

…..or is it Aotearoa-New Zealand…… 

…..in fact, it’s officially just New Zealand…. the greatest little country in the SW Pacific.

 According to our MSM and a host of other woke “experts”, right up there at the top of the “things that make us great” is being Maori….. 

…..well, strictly only part-Maori these days….. 

…..actually, in many cases just a teeny bit Maori. 

 Though it really doesn’t matter how white and ginger you look, it’s your miniscule amount of Maori ancestry that counts for everything. A big ethnic tattoo doesn’t go amiss either…and a greenstone pendant…and being able to recite your iwi, as well as your personal pronoun, every time you introduce yourself. 

 But to increase your chances of being taken seriously, it’s imperative that you completely ignore your non-Maori ancestry…. 

…..well, in most cases your majority non-Maori ancestry…. 

…..in fact, often pretty much ALL your ancestry. 

 Waitangi Day! 

It’s a day of inclusivity. 

Anyone, yes anyone at all… with a smidgen of Maori DNA is welcomed with open arms at Waitangi, greeted with a hongi and ordered to sit at the back and shut up until you’re told what to do and say, well behind the top tier of Maori elites who hold sway, make the decisions and do all the talking. 

 Unlike democracy, there ain’t no tyranny of the majority on this marae. The minority rule here, absolutely. Feel the snug, strait-jacket embrace of tribalism, where all those identifying with the correct racial background belong (no genetic test required - yet!) and everyone knows their place …..and you’d better not forget it or the bros will come round and physically jog your memory for you. 

 For the other 83% of the population, the celebration may be best marked by staying at home, or going to a beach that hasn’t been closed or is under a High Court tikanga claim. 

Otherwise, things can get a little heated and you may experience the rough-and-tumble of Maori hospitality and be exposed to bits of the male anatomy you’d really rather remain tucked away where they belong. 

 Waitangi Day! 

On this great national day of unity, our top government officials turn up to address us all as one nation….. 

…..well, all of us present on the marae….. 

…..actually, mostly just Maoridom. 

 After some obsequious grovelling, on the government's part, they’re shown due respect, “due” being a relative term….. 

…..well, they’re tolerated….. 

…..in fact, they’re generally abused and shouted down and it’s not unusual for offensive objects to be chucked at them. 

 If you were misguided enough to attend in person and hadn’t been intimidated and threatened into leaving just after parking your car, you’d be forgiven for thinking the Maori elites were the government, such is their aura of superiority and disdain for those they regard as outsiders and culturally inferior. 

This is where ignoring their non-Maori ancestry comes in particularly handy. 

 Waitangi Day! 

A great day for our mainstream media who dispatch their top correspondents to (mis)inform us, mostly in a mixture of Te Reo and English which is largely incomprehensible to the unfortunate 83%, of why the Treaty was actually a 50:50 split rather than winner take all. And then enlighten us as to the cultural reasons why Maori can quite justifiably speak and act in ways that would see the rest of us warming the back seat of a police car and facing charges for inciting violence, threatening behaviour and public indecency. 

 So, when all’s said and done, and your family tree is bereft of any “indigenous” ancestors, at the very least it’s a day off work and a chance to relax. 

Just don’t go anywhere near the place or watch the TV news. This could shatter your precarious and fragile sense of national unity. 

That’ll happen tomorrow when you go back to work. 

 Good old Waitangi Day! 

Let’s express it in terms our new corporate PM would wholeheartedly relate to. 

A celebration of the successful “partnership” and merger between two peoples….. 

…..well, less of a partnership, more a passive majority investor appeasing an aggressive minority shareholder….. 

…..with high potential for a hostile takeover, asset stripping and equity redistribution. 

Derek Mackie is a former geologist with a keen interest in current affairs and a penchant for satire.