Bob Edlin: Ahoy there – see who’s ahead on points in the wonderfully nautical game (only just invented) of boat-breaking

Four Royal New Zealand Navy ships (at the time this picture was published in March last year) were commanded by women.  The foursome who featured in the Navy publicity article (from left) were  Lieutenant Samara Mankelow (HMNZS Taupo), Commander Yvonne Gray (HMNZS Manawanui), Commander Bronwyn Heslop (HMNZS Canterbury) and Commander Fiona Jameson (HMNZS Te Kaha). 

The headline about Navy women leading from the front was – dare we suggest it? – prescient.  A Navy team (for which they are playing) is comfortably ahead of their Cook Strait rivals in a sport so new that you will be reading about it here for the first time.

Our story begins in Barcelona, where – according to The Guardian – British sailor Ben Ainslie is ready to take on the “All Blacks of sailing”.

“Look, we’re the underdogs in this, without a shadow of doubt,” Ben Ainslie said wwhile preparing for the greatest sporting challenge of his life against Team New Zealand in the America’s Cup, which begins on Saturday in Barcelona.

Ainslie won gold medals in sailing at four successive Olympic Games but even those achievements would be surpassed if he could inspire a first British victory in the 173-year history of one of the world’s oldest surviving sporting competitions. It is 60 years since a British boat was even in a position to race for the America’s Cup, which began on the waters around the Isle of Wight in 1851, and Ainslie and his Ineos Britannia team have just come through a bruising qualifying series.

Team New Zealand may well be the All Blacks of sailing – but their prowess has been demonstrated (and admired) in boats without engines.

The Guardian has yet to report on another marine sport at which we Kiwis are adept – boat-breaking

This sport bears only the slightest resemblance to break-dancing, in which judges score the competitors on criteria such as creativity, personality, technique, variety, performativity and musicality

Boat-breaking involves teams of ships powered by diesel-guzzling engines. The judges score the crews on criteria such as destructiveness, powerlessness and navigational bewilderment. 

A major competition has been under way over the past five months between two top Kiwi crews, the Strait Ferry Drifters and the Navy Diversifiers.

The aim is to have scored more points than the rival team between May 1 and the end of October.

The Navy Diversifiers scored the first points and – with the winning line just a fortnight or so away – will be hard to beat.

May 21, 2024

Hull damaged as NZ warship berths in high winds

One of the navy’s troubled frigates has limped into port with a gash in its hull after smashing into a wharf.

HMNZS Te Kaha sustained damage when it struck the wharf at Auckland’s Kauri Point ammunition depot on Thursday.

The Defence Force said the accident took place in “gale force winds,” the damage is minor and an investigation is now under way.

The vessel is now berthed at Devonport Naval Base, undergoing repairs.

It’s the latest setback for the beleaguered warship fleet, which recently underwent a $640 million upgrade.

Hitting a wharf is good for three points.

• • • Diversifiers 3 – Drifters 0

June 22 

Interislander ferry that ran aground near Picton won’t be refloated until the morning

The Interislander ferry Aratere won’t be refloated until the morning after running aground just outside Picton.

Interislander general manager Duncan Roy said the vessel, with 47 people on board, departed Picton at 9.45pm Friday.

It ran aground following a steering failure.

“It was a freight-only sailing with eight commercial vehicle drivers and 39 crew on board. There are no injuries and the vessel is watertight.”

A leaked Interislander safety bulletin said a crew member accidentally executed a course change through the ship’s auto pilot system soon after it left its Picton berth.

The crew then struggled for nearly a minute to regain control of the boat, but by then it was too late to stop the ferry crashing into the shore of Titoki Bay.

Running aground is a six-pointer.

• • • Diversifiers 3 – Drifters 6.

September 20 

Bluebridge ferry arrives back in Wellington after drifting for hours in Cook Strait

The Bluebridge ferry Connemara has arrived back in Wellington, about five-and-a-half hours after it lost power and started drifting in Cook Strait.

Wellington Harbourmaster Grant Nalder said it blacked out around 10.30pm on Thursday, not long into its freight sailing bound for Picton, near Sinclair Head.

By 2am Friday, the tug boat Tapuhi was towing Connemara back to Wellington, and a second tug, Tiaki, was providing steerage. By 6am it was towed to Pipitea Wharf. Reporters at the scene said people had begun getting off the boat about 7.30am.

Drifting for several hours but not smacking into anything scored four points

• • • Diversifiers 3 – Drifters 10.

October 6

NZ Navy ship runs aground off Samoa, catches fire and sinks

Government and environmental agencies in Samoa are on alert after a New Zealand Navy ship caught fire and sank off the south coast of Upolu.

The HMNZS Manawatu – a specialist dive and hydrographic vessel – was conducting a reef survey when it hit the reef on Saturday night.

Seventy-five crew and passengers were taken off the vessel by liferafts and other boats which came to the rescue.

Samoa fire commissioner Tanuvasa Petone said the ship caught fire and sank on Sunday morning after a successful rescue. Three on board needed hospital treatment, he said.

Petone said the conditions were “quite rough and windy”.

A big score here – 12 points for a sinking.  There may be more points, depending on the mischief done by any fuel leakages and on the Drifters calling for a recount.

• • • Diversifiers 15 – Drifters 10.

8 October

Bluebridge ferry Connemara damages wharf in Picton in berthing mishap

Bluebridge’s Connemara ferry hit and damaged fendering on Waitohi Wharf in Picton while berthing on Tuesday.

Port Marlborough engineers and workshop team have resolved the issue while the troubled vessel waited, anchored in Queen Charlotte Sound.

Picton Harbourmaster Jake Oliver earlier confirmed he had been made aware that a Bluebridge ferry had “made contact” with the wharf, which was being fixed.

StraitNZ Bluebridge spokesperson Will Dady said a strong wind gust caused the Connemara to make contact with fendering (cushioning to prevent a boat being damaged if it makes contact with a dock) on the Picton wharf on Tuesday morning.

Yep.  The Drifters have clawed back three points.

• • • Diversifiers 15 – Drifters 10.

Ahead of the competition kicking off in May (if kickoff can be applied to a nautical event), the Royal New Zealand Navy did a lot of self-back-patting about its selection policy:

For the Royal New Zealand Navy, the 2023 International Women’s Day offers more reasons to celebrate than most.

It coincides not only with the highest percentage ever of women in the Navy (27.4 per cent) but the largest number of women taking command of Navy ships and shore units, with four command of ships and three in command of shore units.

But the Navy has kept its training for the boat-breaking competition under wraps.

The Strait Ferry Drifters have not been so shy.

They made no secret of a practice run in  November last year, when Bluebridge’s Connemara hit Glasgow Wharf as it was leaving Wellington, and was turned back before passengers were disembarked. The incident left a “decent dent” on the hull and a small hole above the waterline. Engineers were assessing the damage to the wharf.

Soon after, on 12 November, Interislander’s Kaiārahi was damaged during berthing, leaving a 1m-long hole in the hull.

The skills of the Cook Strait team have been recognised in an article in The Spinoff:

Normally ferries crash into at least one object on their journey between Picton and Wellington. This time things were different.

In what will be remembered as an almost unprecedented event in this nation’s history, a ferry has crossed the Cook Strait without crashing into anything.

Ferries routinely crash into at least one thing while travelling between Picton and Wellington.

Famously, the Aratere wheeled into the walls of the Picton Harbour in June, in an act reminiscent of a drunk falling into the Bucket Fountain at 2am.

But the longest-serving Interislander ferry doesn’t just shunt into waterside shrubberies after its crew mistakenly pushes the self-destruct button.

It also strikes fishing vessels and docks, and once came within 80 metres of grounding itself in the Tory Channel. 

Other ferries crash in less dramatic, but nevertheless humiliating ways.

Bluebridge ferry The Connemara hit a wharf earlier today on arrival in Picton.

It also hit a wharf in Wellington in November last year. 

Though commentators were quick to note this was not the ideal way to dock, the Interislander ferry Kaiārahi almost immediately opted to replicate it and also hit a wharf…

And so on.

For the record, we note that HMNZS Canterbury has not yet contributed to the Navy team’s  score.

But its commander has been yellow-carded:

Commanding Officer of HMNZS Canterbury off work, investigation under way

HMNZS Canterbury Commander Bronwyn Heslop is off work while an investigation is carried out.

The commander of the HMNZS Canterbury, Bronwyn Heslop, is off work while an investigation is conducted.

In a statement in response to questions from Stuff, the New Zealand Defence Force said Heslop had not been removed from command, but confirmed that there was an “Acting Commanding Officer on an interim basis”.

That person was Commander Martin Walker, who was the Canterbury’s commanding officer before Heslop.

“We can confirm that there is an investigation ongoing and it is therefore not appropriate to comment further,” the statement said.

We await word of what this is all about and how it might affect the final score.

Bob Edlin is a veteran journalist and editor for the Point of Order blog - where this article was sourced.