The scene was pure Comical Ali, Saddam Hussein’s information minister, who famously insisted there were no American tanks in Baghdad even as they rolled past. But where American tanks exposed Comical Ali’s lies, von der Leyen is surrounded by mounting crises that make a mockery of her grand promises.
But maybe that is not even the most apt comparison. Monty Python’s Black Knight is more precise. Remember him? The knight who loses arms and legs in combat yet insists “‘Tis but a scratch!” Europe has had its industries gutted, its military infrastructure is revealed as hollow, its economies are exposed as sclerotic, yet still it stands there, boasting of its invincibility.
How did Europe’s leaders reach such unreality? What allows such delusions to persist?
In 2011, Hans Magnus Enzensberger, one of post-war Germany’s sharpest literary minds, wrote a slim essay that reads today like prophecy. His Sanftes Monster Brüssel (“Brussels, the Gentle Monster”) identified the precise condition we are witnessing.
The EU, Enzensberger argued, is not evil but “mercilessly kind”. The EU does not conquer; it regulates. It does not command; it writes rules. Its deepest impulse is to replace the harsh reality of power with the comfort of procedures.
He called it Entmündigung, treating adults like children who cannot make their own decisions. In doing so, the EU builds an “Empire of Process,” a vast apparatus mistaking paperwork for power.
And so, the Commission issues directives, the EU Parliament passes resolutions, and the Brussels machinery churns on. But the monster, being gentle, cannot recognise its powerlessness.
Von der Leyen’s speech is a case study.
“Europe must play a role,” she declared, in rebuilding Gaza, relaunching the two-state solution, shaping the new Syria. Yet in reality, Europe is a mere spectator in its neighbourhood. In the Middle East, only those with hard power matter: the United States, Turkey and even Russia. Meanwhile, the EU sends aid and issues statements nobody reads.
In the Global South, the EU’s values-based approach loses to China’s straightforward deals. While Brussels lectures about human rights, Beijing builds ports and railways. African leaders no longer pretend to take European lectures seriously. It is much the same story in Latin America.
Europe has become something things happen to, not something that makes things happen.
Nowhere is this clearer than in defence. Von der Leyen announced, “Europe’s defence must be mainly developed in Europe”. There would be a “Defence Readiness Roadmap 2030”. The time to build a Europe of defence, she said, “is now”. Sure.
Europe depends entirely on American military protection. It cannot conduct operations without US satellites, transport planes or intelligence. Without American help, European armies literally cannot see their battlefields.
The problem runs deeper than money or equipment. France dreams of strategic autonomy; Poland wants Atlantic integration. Germany cannot decide between either. These two incompatible visions produce acronyms, not armies.
Von der Leyen’s economic pronouncements were equally fantastic. She promised Europe would “take control over sensitive technologies”. There will be “made in Europe” criteria. The continent will protect its industries.
Yet Europe has become an economic vassal on two fronts. Its supposed ally, the United States, is actively draining Europe’s industry. American subsidies, tariffs and cheap energy create a magnetic pull westward.
Meanwhile, China maintains strategic control over Europe’s green transition. Europe depends on China for 90 percent of its rare earth magnets, which are essential for wind turbines and electric vehicles. For solar panels, the dependency is near total.
Europe used to brag that its regulations shaped global markets. That power has long vanished. The EU’s AI Act does not set world standards; it just makes it harder for European companies to compete while Silicon Valley and China race ahead.
The EU’s Green Deal, sold as Europe’s competitive advantage, actually destroys its industry. Energy costs around five times more than in America. Environmental rules raise costs without helping European products compete.
And so, Germany’s export model is broken, France teeters on fiscal collapse, and Italy muddles through. Yet von der Leyen recites “quality jobs” and “affordable energy” as if everything was going according to plan.
This, in sum, was Enzensberger’s diagnosis back in 2011. The Brussels monster is not evil. It is not even incompetent. No, it is something worse: naively virtuous in a world where the big players are neither naive nor virtuous.
The European project assumed the world would evolve beyond power politics. That economic integration would replace military competition. That rules would triumph. That history had ended.
Von der Leyen embodies these beliefs. She is a manager, not a leader. Her response to every challenge is procedural: another roadmap, a new package, a fancy-sounding initiative. When confronted with hard power, she offers soft processes. And when history knocks, she schedules a committee meeting.
The EU desperately wants to be the United States of Europe, and von der Leyen yearns to be a real president. So, she even mimics American presidential rhetoric. But where US presidents routinely conclude with “God bless America”, her secular “Long live Europe” inadvertently raises the real question. Yes, Europe lives, but increasingly in a parallel universe of its own making.
In 2011, Enzensberger wondered how long the gentle monster could persist. Now we know the answer: indefinitely. The Brussels machinery simply continues producing directives and dreams, even as the world moves on without it.
‘Tis just a flesh wound, after all, and there is nothing to see.
Dr Oliver Hartwich is the Executive Director of The New Zealand Initiative think tank. This article was first published HERE.
But maybe that is not even the most apt comparison. Monty Python’s Black Knight is more precise. Remember him? The knight who loses arms and legs in combat yet insists “‘Tis but a scratch!” Europe has had its industries gutted, its military infrastructure is revealed as hollow, its economies are exposed as sclerotic, yet still it stands there, boasting of its invincibility.
How did Europe’s leaders reach such unreality? What allows such delusions to persist?
In 2011, Hans Magnus Enzensberger, one of post-war Germany’s sharpest literary minds, wrote a slim essay that reads today like prophecy. His Sanftes Monster Brüssel (“Brussels, the Gentle Monster”) identified the precise condition we are witnessing.
The EU, Enzensberger argued, is not evil but “mercilessly kind”. The EU does not conquer; it regulates. It does not command; it writes rules. Its deepest impulse is to replace the harsh reality of power with the comfort of procedures.
He called it Entmündigung, treating adults like children who cannot make their own decisions. In doing so, the EU builds an “Empire of Process,” a vast apparatus mistaking paperwork for power.
And so, the Commission issues directives, the EU Parliament passes resolutions, and the Brussels machinery churns on. But the monster, being gentle, cannot recognise its powerlessness.
Von der Leyen’s speech is a case study.
“Europe must play a role,” she declared, in rebuilding Gaza, relaunching the two-state solution, shaping the new Syria. Yet in reality, Europe is a mere spectator in its neighbourhood. In the Middle East, only those with hard power matter: the United States, Turkey and even Russia. Meanwhile, the EU sends aid and issues statements nobody reads.
In the Global South, the EU’s values-based approach loses to China’s straightforward deals. While Brussels lectures about human rights, Beijing builds ports and railways. African leaders no longer pretend to take European lectures seriously. It is much the same story in Latin America.
Europe has become something things happen to, not something that makes things happen.
Nowhere is this clearer than in defence. Von der Leyen announced, “Europe’s defence must be mainly developed in Europe”. There would be a “Defence Readiness Roadmap 2030”. The time to build a Europe of defence, she said, “is now”. Sure.
Europe depends entirely on American military protection. It cannot conduct operations without US satellites, transport planes or intelligence. Without American help, European armies literally cannot see their battlefields.
The problem runs deeper than money or equipment. France dreams of strategic autonomy; Poland wants Atlantic integration. Germany cannot decide between either. These two incompatible visions produce acronyms, not armies.
Von der Leyen’s economic pronouncements were equally fantastic. She promised Europe would “take control over sensitive technologies”. There will be “made in Europe” criteria. The continent will protect its industries.
Yet Europe has become an economic vassal on two fronts. Its supposed ally, the United States, is actively draining Europe’s industry. American subsidies, tariffs and cheap energy create a magnetic pull westward.
Meanwhile, China maintains strategic control over Europe’s green transition. Europe depends on China for 90 percent of its rare earth magnets, which are essential for wind turbines and electric vehicles. For solar panels, the dependency is near total.
Europe used to brag that its regulations shaped global markets. That power has long vanished. The EU’s AI Act does not set world standards; it just makes it harder for European companies to compete while Silicon Valley and China race ahead.
The EU’s Green Deal, sold as Europe’s competitive advantage, actually destroys its industry. Energy costs around five times more than in America. Environmental rules raise costs without helping European products compete.
And so, Germany’s export model is broken, France teeters on fiscal collapse, and Italy muddles through. Yet von der Leyen recites “quality jobs” and “affordable energy” as if everything was going according to plan.
This, in sum, was Enzensberger’s diagnosis back in 2011. The Brussels monster is not evil. It is not even incompetent. No, it is something worse: naively virtuous in a world where the big players are neither naive nor virtuous.
The European project assumed the world would evolve beyond power politics. That economic integration would replace military competition. That rules would triumph. That history had ended.
Von der Leyen embodies these beliefs. She is a manager, not a leader. Her response to every challenge is procedural: another roadmap, a new package, a fancy-sounding initiative. When confronted with hard power, she offers soft processes. And when history knocks, she schedules a committee meeting.
The EU desperately wants to be the United States of Europe, and von der Leyen yearns to be a real president. So, she even mimics American presidential rhetoric. But where US presidents routinely conclude with “God bless America”, her secular “Long live Europe” inadvertently raises the real question. Yes, Europe lives, but increasingly in a parallel universe of its own making.
In 2011, Enzensberger wondered how long the gentle monster could persist. Now we know the answer: indefinitely. The Brussels machinery simply continues producing directives and dreams, even as the world moves on without it.
‘Tis just a flesh wound, after all, and there is nothing to see.
Dr Oliver Hartwich is the Executive Director of The New Zealand Initiative think tank. This article was first published HERE.
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