We learn today how Stuff columnist Joel Maxwell gets his laughs. He has written:
It’s been almost hilarious (if not for his gross history) watching Andrew’s demotion down the toff rankings: losing title after title, reduced to just a first name-surname combo like the rest of us plebs.
He was writing about a bloke named Andrew Albert Christian Edward Mountbatten-Windsor (born 19 February 1960), formerly Prince Andrew, Duke of York, a member of the House of Windsor. He is the third child and second son of Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, and a younger brother of King Charles III.
Andrew was born second in the line of succession to the British throne and is eighth as of 2026, although political manoeuvring is under way in the UK and many Commonwealth to scuttle any remote chance he might have of becoming King.
But Maxwell hasn’t gone to the trouble of finding his full moniker. His column says:
Actually, as I write this I realise I don’t even know his surname. I hope it’s something that people will never guess, like Zappa, or McGinty, for the sake of his own anonymity.
No matter. Maxwell’s objective is to base a case for significant constitutional change in New Zealand on Andrew being named – more than once but not as many times as Donald Trump – in the Epstein files.
He was writing about a bloke named Andrew Albert Christian Edward Mountbatten-Windsor (born 19 February 1960), formerly Prince Andrew, Duke of York, a member of the House of Windsor. He is the third child and second son of Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, and a younger brother of King Charles III.
Andrew was born second in the line of succession to the British throne and is eighth as of 2026, although political manoeuvring is under way in the UK and many Commonwealth to scuttle any remote chance he might have of becoming King.
But Maxwell hasn’t gone to the trouble of finding his full moniker. His column says:
Actually, as I write this I realise I don’t even know his surname. I hope it’s something that people will never guess, like Zappa, or McGinty, for the sake of his own anonymity.
No matter. Maxwell’s objective is to base a case for significant constitutional change in New Zealand on Andrew being named – more than once but not as many times as Donald Trump – in the Epstein files.
He argues:
As revelation after revelation about the former prince, Andrew, and Jeffrey Epstein pile up like cars on an icy motorway, it’s time to consider whether we need to cut our ties to the whānau royale.
Perhaps he thought that being immensely wealthy and entitled, as in literally possessing titles, meant never having to say sorry. But let’s be clear – there’s no dodging destiny for the disgraced former duke.
So, I ask the question again. Do we as a nation want to be involved with the royals?
Maxwell muses on what should be done, suggesting
… perhaps we should use the whole Andrew thing to really think about having a New Zealander as our head of state.
And:
Perhaps we should work up the energy, under some near-future government, to launch a referendum to bring in a Kiwi president. Let’s be us.
As revelation after revelation about the former prince, Andrew, and Jeffrey Epstein pile up like cars on an icy motorway, it’s time to consider whether we need to cut our ties to the whānau royale.
Perhaps he thought that being immensely wealthy and entitled, as in literally possessing titles, meant never having to say sorry. But let’s be clear – there’s no dodging destiny for the disgraced former duke.
So, I ask the question again. Do we as a nation want to be involved with the royals?
Maxwell muses on what should be done, suggesting
… perhaps we should use the whole Andrew thing to really think about having a New Zealander as our head of state.
And:
Perhaps we should work up the energy, under some near-future government, to launch a referendum to bring in a Kiwi president. Let’s be us.
The Trump presidency should give cause for pause on that one.
But Maxwell is certain that:
If the Andrew saga has shown anything, it’s how little control we have over the reputation of our own head of state. We inherit it — scandals and all.
Maxwell isn’t waiting for Andrew to be found guilty in a British court of law but insists his relationship to King Charles is sufficient to justify his thinking about our constitutional arrangements:
But Maxwell is certain that:
If the Andrew saga has shown anything, it’s how little control we have over the reputation of our own head of state. We inherit it — scandals and all.
Maxwell isn’t waiting for Andrew to be found guilty in a British court of law but insists his relationship to King Charles is sufficient to justify his thinking about our constitutional arrangements:
“My vote is that we dump the royal family.”
Hmm. If one member’s transgressions tarnish the reputation of the whole royal family, what might Maxwell make of the Maori monarchy?
One of the late Maori King’s sons, Korotangi Paki, faced boy racer charges in 2011 after the vehicle he was driving crashed into a power pole in Huntly. He then was aged 16.
A few years later he was back in court.
Hmm. If one member’s transgressions tarnish the reputation of the whole royal family, what might Maxwell make of the Maori monarchy?
One of the late Maori King’s sons, Korotangi Paki, faced boy racer charges in 2011 after the vehicle he was driving crashed into a power pole in Huntly. He then was aged 16.
A few years later he was back in court.
This time, Te Ao Maori News reported in May 2014, he had pleaded guilty in Auckland District Court to theft and burglary charges.
Korotangi Paki pleaded guilty and before his court appearance King Tūheitia said in a newspaper interview his son needs to take responsibility for his actions.
There was no sign of King Tūheitia as his son Korotangi Paki arrived at court with his father’s right hand man, Tukoroirangi Morgan.
18-year-old Paki pleaded guilty to two charges of burglary and one of theft. He and three other men broke in to a property and stole surf boards.
This happened while he was living in Gisborne and studying at Toihoukura, The School of Māori Visual Art and Design.
The outcome was summed up in an RNZ headline on 3 July 2014 :
Korotangi Paki pleaded guilty and before his court appearance King Tūheitia said in a newspaper interview his son needs to take responsibility for his actions.
There was no sign of King Tūheitia as his son Korotangi Paki arrived at court with his father’s right hand man, Tukoroirangi Morgan.
18-year-old Paki pleaded guilty to two charges of burglary and one of theft. He and three other men broke in to a property and stole surf boards.
This happened while he was living in Gisborne and studying at Toihoukura, The School of Māori Visual Art and Design.
The outcome was summed up in an RNZ headline on 3 July 2014 :
On King’s son discharged without conviction
A spokesperson for Maori King Tuheitia’s son – who has been discharged without conviction on four charges – says the judge’s decision recognises the uniqueness of the Maori King movement.
Four charges, it should be noted.
Korotangi Paki, 18, has pleaded guilty to two burglary charges and one of theft from a car, and an earlier charge of drink-driving.
Judge Philippa Cunningham placed conditions on the discharge without conviction, saying she was concerned about the high blood alcohol level – it was twice the allowable limit for an adult, and more than four times the legal limit for a youth.
PoO draws Andrew’s lawyers’ attention to the defence pleadings.
The prosecution argued that a discharge without conviction would give the impression that status made a difference to the outcome of a case – but …
Mr Paki’s lawyer Paul Wicks argued that a conviction for any criminal offence would hurt his chances of succession or of becoming a custodian of land for Tainui iwi.
And:
Judge Cunningham said affidavits in support of Mr Paki included one from his father, who made it clear he would have no chance of succeeding him if he had any conviction at all.
Tukuroirangi Morgan, a spokesperson for Paki, told reporters:
“Today is about reigniting the uniqueness of Maori. More than that, a recognition of what is compellingly different about the Maori King movement.”
But in December that year, the news from the High Court was:
Judge Cunningham said affidavits in support of Mr Paki included one from his father, who made it clear he would have no chance of succeeding him if he had any conviction at all.
Tukuroirangi Morgan, a spokesperson for Paki, told reporters:
“Today is about reigniting the uniqueness of Maori. More than that, a recognition of what is compellingly different about the Maori King movement.”
But in December that year, the news from the High Court was:
Maori king’s son convicted
The Crown had appealed the decision to discharge Paki, and in the High Court Justice Mark Woolford agreed that the consequences of conviction for burglary and theft would be “out of all proportion to its gravity.”
But the same could not be said for a drink-driving conviction, he found.
“I am not satisfied that a conviction for drink driving would meaningfully decrease his chances of becoming the next Maori King, or have any other consequence out of all proportion to the gravity of the offence. A drink driving conviction is a black mark, but not an irredeemable one,” Justice Woolford said.
“At this stage it is highly unlikely Mr Paki will be appointed King. Mr Paki’s chances of succession may improve in the future after an appropriate period of atonement. However, I am not satisfied from the affidavit evidence that a conviction for drink driving will prevent him from forever succeeding if he is otherwise considered a suitable candidate for the role.”
Late in 2020, a Stuff headline drew attention to the need for further atonement:
Māori King’s son sentenced after punching partner
This time Paki had punched his girlfriend several times in the head leaving her with a black eye in what a judge called a clear case of domestic violence.
And it turns out he has a name as long as Andrew’s:
Details of Korotangi Te Hokinga Mai Douglas Paki’s alcohol-fuelled assault on the woman as the couple’s eight month old slept next to her were revealed during his sentencing in Hamilton District Court on Thursday.
Paki, the second eldest of King Tuheitia’s children, was sentenced to 100 hours community work and 18 months of intensive supervision after earlier pleading guilty to one charge of assault with intent to injure in relation to the assault on December 14, 2018.
During the sentencing, Judge Thomas Ingram said:
“This is a drunken, violent assault on a sleeping woman with a child sleeping next to her that she has had to protect while the assault was taking place,”
“That is not a minor matter. Woman are entitled to protection of the law.
“I sit here day in, day out listening to appalling domestic violence in New Zealand. Domestic violence is a scourge on New Zealand.”
Paki’s lawyer this time was Marie Dyhrberg QC, who applied for a discharge without conviction for Paki on the basis that conviction would impact on his ability to travel.
“He does travel with his father conducting the King’s business – this is travel for a very important aspect of his current life, and what will be his future life as well.”
But Judge Thomas Ingram dismissed the application saying he was not satisfied Paki had met the requirements and a discharge would be out of all proportion to the seriousness of the offending.
Judge Ingram began with a starting point of 200 hours community work then gave 50 per cent credit for Paki’s rehabilitative efforts and guilty plea – leaving a sentence of 100 hours community work.
Paki was also ordered to undergo 18 months of intensive supervision.
“You carry some weight on your shoulders that other people don’t. Life is not as easy for you as people might think.”
Former Prince Andrew should brace for stiffer treatment.
Bob Edlin is a veteran journalist and editor for the Point of Order blog HERE. - where this article was sourced.
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