Steven Gaskell: The Great Spiritual Rebrand - Now Featuring the Waitangi Treaty Clause

Get ready to light your sacred incense, because the art world has finally achieved peak cultural enlightenment. In a stunning theological breakthrough, the holy family has been officially naturalized. That’s right, the classic Nativity scene, that ancient Palestinian story, has been given a definitive Aotearoa makeover. A swaddled baby Jesus in the manger, a weary Joseph, a beatific Mary, and the three wise men have all been decisively recast as Maori. For the low, low price of $160, you can own this bold reimagining and prove your cosmopolitan sensibilities right in your own living room, because nothing says "quiet devotion" like a conversation-starting piece of theological revisionism.

But why stop at merely co-opting Christianity? In a move that has absolutely no one accusing them of a lack of ambition, the creators promise this is just the opening hymn. Don't feel left out if your preferred deity hasn't yet received the localisation treatment. Word is there will be more leaders of world religions revamped into a Maori world view coming to you soon. You can practically hear the focus groups now: "The Dalai Lama is insightful, but wouldn't he be more relatable with a moko kauae?" or "Imagine the gravitas a simple korowai would add to the Pope's vestments." This is a full-service spiritual overhaul, ensuring no stone of global faith is left unturned in the quest for maximum cultural relevance.

And hold onto your pews, because this ambitious spiritual rebrand is about to be taken to its logically absurd conclusion. The creators, buoyed by this roaring success, have announced that due to overwhelming demand (presumably from a handful of people who think history and divinity make for a snappy marketing synergy), the collection will soon achieve its ultimate form by somehow tying itself to the Waitangi Treaty. One can only imagine the profound theological and historical nuance at play. Perhaps the Three Wise Men will be presenting gifts of sovereignty, partnership, and protection to the infant Jesus, who will promptly form a new covenant. It’s the crossover event nobody knew they needed, finally answering the centuries old question: what if the greatest story ever told was also a foundational constitutional document?

So, prepare your wallets and your sense of bewildered awe. A Maori Buddha finding enlightenment under a Pohutukawa tree is surely just around the corner, followed by Maori disciples at the Last Supper feasting on a hearty hangi. It’s not cultural appropriation; it’s a comprehensive upgrade package. Finally, the divine is getting the distinctly local flavour it so desperately lacked, proving that when it comes to matters of ultimate concern, nothing sells like a well-branded, limited edition collectible. All hail the new pantheon, available now and conveniently linked to a national anniversary.

Steven is an entrepreneur and an ex RNZN diver who likes travelling, renovating houses, Swiss Watches, history, chocolate art and art deco.