Saturday, May 25, 2024

Dr Oliver Hartwich: Bridges Burned - Former Minister's need for speed exposed

In a shocking turn of events that has rocked the nation to its core, it has been revealed that Simon Bridges, the former minister and newly appointed chairman of the New Zealand Transport Agency (NZTA), received a speeding ticket in 2018.

This earth-shattering news has sent shockwaves through the country, leaving citizens wondering whether the very fabric of our society is falling apart.

The scandal (let’s call it “Ticketgate”) has dominated headlines, overshadowing trivial matters like the ongoing conflict in Ukraine, global economic challenges, and the recent shooting of the Slovak Prime Minister.

Investigative journalists have been working tirelessly to uncover the sordid details of Bridges’ heinous crime, which involved exceeding the speed limit by somewhere between 20-30 kph.

Rumours have circulated about another possible incident involving Bridges not holding the door open for someone in 2015, and an unverified source has claimed that he once forgot to say “thank you” to a cashier in the early 2000s.

“This is a dark day for New Zealand,” said one concerned citizen, who wished to remain unnamed. “How can we trust a man who has such a blatant disregard for the law? What’s next? Forgetting to pay for a bag at the supermarket? Not returning a shopping trolley to the designated area?”

“If we can’t trust the chairman of the NZTA to obey the speed limit, how can we trust anyone?” exclaimed a spokesperson for Commentators Anonymous. “This is a slippery slope. Today, it’s a speeding ticket; tomorrow it could be using an expired coupon or not rewinding a rented VHS tape in the late 1980s. Where does it end?”

Under intense scrutiny from the media, Bridges has expressed remorse for his actions, stating that he has “learnt a valuable lesson.”

As the nation grapples with the aftermath of this disturbing revelation, one can only wonder what the future holds for Simon Bridges. Will he be able to weather the storm of public outrage and media scrutiny? Or will this be the end of his tenure as chairman, forever tarnished by the spectre of his 2018 speeding ticket?

We would have liked to check the odds that the revelations will end Bridges’ career, but political betting market iPredict had to shut down several years ago due to a certain minister’s decision. It might have been Bridges himself.

And thus, only time will tell, but one thing is certain: New Zealand will never be the same again.

Dr Oliver Hartwich is the Executive Director of The New Zealand Initiative think tank. This article was first published HERE.


Ray S said...

Shameful actions by a prominent citizen and must not be tolerated.
If records of my past indiscretions ever surface, the world will stop, old women will faint and dogs will run away in terror.

And that would probably apply to half our population.

Anonymous said...

No need to panick quite yet, Oliver. The said egregious breach was before the "Road to Zero" campaign, so the social fabric of the nation still remains, for the meantime at least, intact. However, if such act should be repeated, the said perpetrator's head will require plattering (figuratively speaking, of course), and an immediate rahui will need to placed on all nearby roading networks. Only then, and after some time has passed, will we then know the effects on the state of the nation. A suitable waiata and tapu lifting ceremony, may assist?

TJS said...

Perhaps now his only other career option after this disturbing revelation would be to create a business in pollitical lobbying. If he just pleads guilty now he could possibly move on with his life and close the pages of this chapter.

Anonymous said...

A waita and tapu lifting ceremony ... costing 6 figures of course.

Basil Walker said...

Of course Simon was traumitised by COVID , the diminishing colour of brocoli and the continueing use of plastic bags for dog poo collection.
The old one lane bridge down south that has claimed lives and shattered families is immaterial.

Anonymous said...

One might equate with the misdemeanours of others. However this one is in the past, on public record and not subject to furtiveness and excuses.

It may sound flippant but speed can be just as dangerous as alcohol so important to identify why this article is spoof but not so for the drunks.

Anonymous said...

Oh no, he's turning into a leftie...must be taking lessons on crime from kiri allen. Next he will be assaulting people, stealing and helping criminals ....only then will he be accepted into the realms of the left.

Allan said...

He'd probably nearly been hit by a motorbike.