Tuesday, May 10, 2022

Derek Mackie: The Manchurian Candidate

X: Premier Xi of China
T: Chris Trotskyer - a left-wing journalist 

X: Please, take a seat Mr Trotskyer 
T: This is a great honour, sir…your excellency…your magnificence. 
X: Premier Xi is quite sufficient. 
T: Thank you. I never thought in all my years as a committed left-wing, pro-communist journalist that I would ever be in the presence of one of my heroes of the revolution. 
X: Come now, Mr Trotskyer, we are all equal under communism.  May I call you Chris? 
T: Please do. It is a privilege to be on first name terms with yourself….Xi. 
X: Xi is my last name, Trotskyer! I thought you would have known that. 
On second thoughts my official title will do. 
T: Oh God…I mean Buddha. I’m so sorry. I’m just very nervous. I will, of course, use any title you wish and, just to be clear, I am a committed atheist, like yourself. 

X: Enough! Let’s get down to business, as you westerners like to say. 
My ambassador in New Zealand has recommended you as a suitable candidate to infiltrate and influence the weak and incompetent socialist government you have there. 
We wish to undertake an experiment in spreading our glorious communist ideology throughout the West. But, we must not run before we can walk. So, we have decided to start small and use your country as a test before we move on to bigger and more valuable prizes. 
Ultimately, we hope to destroy the great capitalist empire of the United States. 
T: What a great day that would be. I am willing to help in any way I can. 

X: As I understand it, New Zealand is undergoing dramatic political change with a concerted push to adopt a co-governance model which would give your indigenous people a 50% share of power and control. 
T: That’s right. The Labour government has a very influential Maori caucus who have grabbed hold of the reins and are steering all government policy - health, education, judiciary, public services, conservation, you name it - in this direction. 
Ultimately, if they manage to remain in power long enough, they will achieve co-governance and have an effective veto over all decision-making. Not bad for a 17% minority. 
But this will still be a form of democracy with multiple political parties - not a communist system. Mind you, since most Maori vote Labour then it will be virtually impossible for any other party to get elected. 
X: Indeed. A democracy in name only. 

T: Truth be told, the polls are not looking good for Labour. There’s a strong possibility that the centre-right could form a government at next year’s election. 
X: Yes, so my officials inform me.  But the leader, Luxon, seems to support some of the co-governance agenda, does he not? 
T: Hard to say what he stands for. One thing’s certain - he is no communist so I don’t see you having any luck there. 
At least Jacinda is a committed socialist who I’m sure could be made to see the light. 
X: Yes, I know all about Ms Ardern’s political leanings. But nothing is certain in your democracy so we must plan for all eventualities. 
As the old Chinese proverb says “a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”. 
T: I’m sure you’re right but I’m not clear what you want from me. 

X: My ambassador tells me you are a respected journalist and avidly reads your articles. He has been impressed by the way you have promoted socialism and the co-governance movement. 
Your affection for communist regimes, like ours, comes out clearly in your writing. You also have a long association with the Labour Party and have access to many influential figures. 
However, we feel that you should become bolder and form closer connections with members of the Maori caucus who hold the real power in the Labour government. We are sure they would be susceptible to the right forms of encouragement, both ideological and financial, that a powerful ally like China could provide. 
Your Prime Minister, Ardern, loves the camera but lacks depth and substance, I feel. I believe her long-term ambitions lie with the UN. 
T: I’m flattered, Premier Xi. I was not aware that you had taken such an interest in my work. 
X: Just remember, Trotskyer. In the great Communist regime we are all but cogs who must work in concert to ensure the machine runs perfectly. You are now being called upon to use your particular skills for the greater good.

T: So you want me to influence the Maori caucus to embrace communism?
X: Yes, but slowly, delicately. Maori are not used to wielding power in a modern context. It is our duty to guide them to the best outcome. 
We are dealing with a tribal minority who are used to authoritarian control. That is in our favour. However, they have operated in a democratic system, with all its faults and inefficiencies, for almost 150 years. 
We, or rather you, must convince them of the benefits of a communist system. It is clear to us but they must be re-educated to appreciate the obvious advantages. 
T: But surely adopting communism would mean giving up the privileged position of co-governance. 17% effectively ruling the other 83% - hard to beat that. 

X: Even in communist societies there must be an elite to govern in the best interests of their people, picked for their skills and abilities. Is it wrong to reward these people for the special effort they contribute for the good of the rest? Of course not. 
T: Are you saying that Maori would be that elite? 
X: Initially, at least. This should be very attractive to them. A system that has a single political party with no meaningful elections, allowing them to remain in power for as long as they wish…or we decide. 
What ethnic minority, persecuted under colonialism, would not want that.
T: I’m not so sure. 

X: Even if it turns out that Maori reject communism it is still in our interest to ensure co-governance happens in all its forms. 
T: To support UNDRIP you mean? 
X: Of course not! 
Let’s be frank, Mr Trotskyer. What do you think will happen to New Zealand if co-governance is adopted, as laid out in the He Puapua plan? 
T: Well, in the transition period, it will almost certainly lead to civil unrest and very poor economic performance. But these things are inevitable during revolutionary change. 

X: I agree. This presents an opportunity for China to lend its ally support while going through this very difficult time. We can help rebuild and upgrade infrastructure and lend money for vital public services. 
In exchange we would reasonably expect certain rights and privileges. The option to establish Chinese military bases and bring in police personnel would be a minimum. Privileged trading conditions and contracts for Chinese companies would be guaranteed. 
T: You make New Zealand sound like the Solomans! 
X: How perceptive of you. 
Ultimately, by controlling the New Zealand economy and ensuring law-and-order we would then control the politicians who would, under our instruction, adopt a communist system. Any trouble would be contained by our troops. 

T: I congratulate you on covering all the angles. 
X: I would be failing in my duty as Premier if I did not.  
But first we need you to do your part. In addition to what we have already discussed, I require your journalistic services in conditioning a majority of the New Zealand population into believing that co-governance is not only right but inevitable. That the consequences of opposing it are too grave to contemplate. 
Like most Westerners, they are spoilt, self-indulgent and, what is that term - woke. Only communism can free them from their capitalist decadence, and show them true fulfilment serving the State rather than themselves. 
T: One thing’s for certain if Labour get elected again, you won’t be calling us New Zealand anymore - we’ll be Aotearoa! 
X: So, Mr Trotskyer. Will you be our “Manchurian Candidate” in Aotearoa?
T: It would be my pleasure, comrade. 

Derek Mackie is a geologist with a keen interest in current affairs.


Anonymous said...

one sincerely hopes that xi reads the recent research tying dairy to cancer in chinese population and decides to stay away from nz...

Clive Bibby said...

You are taking on the mantle of a great 21st century satirist although your assessment of the real world is more than just a clever jibe.
Keep it up
Clive Bibby

Peter Price said...

Eventually the Maori caucus will wind up in a "re-education" camp, the new Uighers!
Peter Price