Going out to a local cafe is something many of us appreciate and is one of the few public havens where you can enjoy your coffee and cake, untroubled by gender, race or pronouns. An opportunity to exchange views freely with friends or just sit on your own and contemplate the dire state NZ is in.
But for how much longer?
If our current ideological imbeciles secure another parliamentary term this last bastion of public discourse and free speech may fall to the forces of woke conformity, minority worship and pro-Maori propaganda.
Placing your order could be like learning a new language - Wokespeak!
This already permeates our public sector, media, academia and corporate companies. In all likelihood, it could soon be coming to a cafe near you, giving your favourite menu a PC makeover!
Scene: A cafe - 2025, Labour in their 3rd term
C: Customer
O: Cafe Owner
C: Hi, I’d like a flat white please.
O: Sorry, we don’t do those anymore.
C: Ah! Run out of milk, have you, after Labour introduced the fart tax, put a load of farmers out of business and drove up the price of dairy?
O: Not yet but give it time.
No, the latest directive from the Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment, in conjunction with the Race Relations Commission, has banned that term.
C: Now there’s an oxymoron. When has this government ever done anything to help Business, Innovation or Employment?
So why has flat white been banned?
O: It’s offensive to racial minorities….supposedly.
C: So you’re Asian. Do you find it offensive?
O: Nope. I’ve been making them for years but, according to the government, I’m a victim of subliminal white supremacist brainwashing. What do I know?
C: Well, we can’t have that, can we?
O: You can still have a [whispers] “flat white”, but now it’s called a …….tranquil latte.
C: Did you come up with that?
O: Definitely not!
All “progressive” terms have been provided by the Ministry and these MUST be used to prevent misinformation. They send undercover inspectors out to check you’re complying. I had one in here yesterday. Took ages going through the menu then flashed me his ID and ordered the most expensive dish…which he claimed was part of the inspection and which he didn’t have to pay for.
That cafe round the corner failed its inspection and got slapped with an immediate 7-day shutdown notice and a full inclusivity audit of its staff and work procedures. That was over a month ago and it still hasn’t re-opened.
C: Bugger that!
Tell you what, give me an americano, instead.
O: That’s gone too.
C: Oh, come off it! What for?
O: The Americans re-elected Donald Trump last year so it was axed.
C: And what’s the new name?
O: A democrat-icano!
C: There’s no way I’m ordering one of those. This is ridiculous!
Let’s play it safe. I’ll have a trim latte, please.
Surely, there’s nothing offensive about that.
O: Sorry. That’s been renamed because it could offend people who aren't trim. We call it a latte-less now.
C: OK. One of those.
O: Sugar? We only do brown ….it’s easier.
C: Lucky that’s the type I like. One, please.
And a raspberry and white chocolate muffin.
O: We can’t officially use white chocolate in any of our products anymore.
C: So what’s the new name for that?
O: They couldn’t come up with one so they just banned it on the basis of it being white.
C: Really! They’ll ban flour next….or egg whites! Bang goes the pavlova!
O: Please, don’t make jokes like that. This government’s crazy enough to do anything.
Rumour has it that they’re going to insist 50% of the menu has to be native dishes to align with their co-governance agenda.
C: They’ll have a mission finding enough meals people’ll want to eat, and that includes your Maori customers. Or, it’ll be the shortest menu in history.
Sounds like a white elephant to me. Oh, sorry - is that racist?
O: It's as clear as black-and-white. Ha!
C: I’d better wave the white flag then and turn myself in!
O: Ssshh! It’s good to have a laugh but you never know who’s listening.
The Ministry have a hotline number which the public can use to anonymously inform on cafes that don’t follow the new rules.
C: The woke brigade will love that.
O: You know, I left China to get away from the authoritarian control of the State. And here I am in AOTEAROA-New Zealand with a government that’s just as bad.
C: And getting worse. Promoting co-governance which gives part-Maori - a small minority - 50% share of power and an effective veto. All based on some warped interpretation of a simple treaty that was written by the British.
O: What can you do?
C: Grin and bear it or leave.
Enough of our fellow citizens voted Labour in again so they could delude themselves they were living in the most woke, progressive country in the world. Trouble is they forgot they were giving up democracy in the process.
That’s what happens when your ego gets the better of you. It may be starting to dawn on some of them….I think.
My advice is apply for your NZ citizenship as soon as you can, if you haven’t already got it. Then leave for Australia before they close the gates. This isn’t going to come right any time soon.
O: Certainly something to think about.
That latte-less is on me by the way. And here’s the muffin you wanted. Made strictly for personal consumption…and my favourite customers!
C: Thank you.
As a second-class citizen I’m not used to first-class service. And some genuine kindness, in contrast to the pretend variety peddled by our PM.
Derek Mackie is a geologist with a keen interest in current affairs.
2 comments:
Jeus! Derek what about a short Black.
What about Afghan biscuits being a cultural appropriation, or pavlova indicating support for Russia’s campaign against the Ukraine, or black pudding, or white wine being a colonialist construct? Red wine would, obviously, be okay because it is the same colour as the flag that we will keep flying.
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