Greta was tired of preaching from her "progressive" pulpit to pale, stale old men at Climate Conferences every year.
They paid lip-service to her perfectly reasonable demands to immediately close down all oil and gas fields, all fossil fuel power stations, and nuclear ones to boot, as well as ban all BBQ gas bottles and cigarette lighters, to save the Planet from an inferno of Dante-istic proportions.
In response to her ridiculously easy directives they wriggled and squirmed and suggested they do it from 2030…then 2035…or maybe just a bit longer.
Their pathetic excuses were never-ending:-
“Fossil fuels still account for 80% of the World’s energy needs. The lights will go out and people will starve and freeze to death.
And, you won’t be able to charge your laptop, mobile phone, noise-cancelling headphones or EV.”
That last valid reason aside, didn’t they realise Earth’s temperature had skyrocketed by an astounding 1C in the past 170 years?
Had they not noticed this wall of carbon created heat when they stepped outside?
In her native country of Schveden, she only donned one set of heavy-duty thermal underwear in winter and barely wore a polar fleece jacket in summer anymore.
In any case, special charging facilities…and heating…and food provisions would be made available for elites like her, if worse came to the worst.
Then they trotted out -
“But China and India are expanding their fossil fuel use and they’re responsible for well over half of all emissions now. What we do hardly makes a difference.”
Putting the blame on poor, primitive, starving nations…who just happened to have booming economies, massive armies and supplied a huge amount of products to the rest of the world, was typical of their lily-livered justifications.
She’d get round to dealing with the Third-World eventually but her priority was the rich, decadent, resource-wasting, minority emission-belching West, where it was much more civilised and pleasant to protest, knowing you could get an excellent zero-carbon rated restaurant meal and 5-star accommodation at the drop of your woke green corporate sponsor’s credit card.
Especially Europe, now sweltering in never before seen summer temperatures… except for the last time it happened in the 1930’s, if you cared to check the weather records…which Greta most certainly did not.
Actual meteorological data quoted by deluded climate deniers, in contrast to the holy grail of chronically erroneous UN modelling, was not going to derail her crusade.
Soon - a term she applied very loosely and more in a geological sense - her beloved Scandi motherland would be winterless. Though not yet, as last winter had shown, with record cold temperatures and snowfall.
But soon. Oh yes, very soon, humans would be sorry!
Sorry to endure less severe winters, increasing crop yields and lower heating bills, and eventually, a shorter drive to the beach!
In fact, conditions still some considerable way cooler than the typical climate that Earth has enjoyed for most of the past 600 million years, apart from when it’s been in the grip of an ice age or a more temperate brief interglacial, like now.
And all without man-made CO2 to assist it - best ignore that inconvenient truth and tag it disinformation.
Greta was growing weary of berating and abusing the thousands of climate bureaucrats who flew in first class and filled up all the top tier hotels, sometimes making it difficult for her to get a decent room and a Michelin-star dining experience.
Sure, these government lackeys prostrated themselves in front of her, but when they got back to their comfy, high salary office jobs they didn’t carry out her ultimatums. It was so frustrating.
Fixing them with her hard stare and nasty scowl didn’t have the same effect it used to. But it still worked at the hotels and eateries, she was pleased to notice.
And, on her long-suffering parents who lived a quiet life chasing the sun and doing anything to avoid the very last (according to Greta) bone-chilling Schvedish winter and their zealous daughter, who they loved dearly but were perfectly content only to see on special occasions, like their joint funerals.
Greta needed a new cause to reinvigorate her.
And then it landed on her sustainable, recycled Norvegian pine desk… processed and flat-packed in China at a factory powered by coal.
Invitation to speak on:-
The catastrophic effect and commonality of Apocalyptic Man-made Climate Change AND Israeli Colonial Oppression on the poor dispossessed people of Palestine and their glorious freedom fighters, Hamas.
Of course! Why hadn’t she seen it before?
Limiting herself to level-headed climate demands and annual COP’s was denying her brand the countless photo-ops of all the other illustrious neo-Marxist causes that abounded today.
She’d missed the transgender boat on advice from her PR team who said her face was too severe and threatening for such a sensitive, empathetic group that could barely whip themselves up into a violent mob when a group of real women challenged them to a debate.
No way was she passing up a minority…zealous…radicalised….fanatical….intolerant….religious sect who used its own people as human shields and espoused the total destruction of their next door neighbour and alleged colonial oppressors.
She’d seem like a shrinking violet amongst that lot!
This could be a game-changer. Show all her woke, privileged, Lefty liberal sycophants that she wasn’t a one-trick pony.
Oh… no! This girl could do scientifically unfounded extreme climate activism AND extreme racism and anti-semitism too!
A weight had been lifted from her slight shoulders. Her path was clear in her mind’s eye, albeit practically littered with the collateral damage of religious retribution.
Don’t look down, Greta. Keep walking, ignore the screams and pleas for mercy and fix your eyes on the woke prize.
And the best thing of all, the protest wasn’t in Gaza, or Beirut, or Damascus…. or anywhere else in the Third World.
It was in Amschterdam, Europe!
She was about to head out to meet her online media image consultant and book her flash hotel when she noticed another invitation peeking out from under her brilliant new career.
Maybe it was a follow-up conference in Brusschels or Helschinki, or even her beloved Schtockholm.
Kia ora, Greta
We would aroha you to visit the tangata whenua, way down here in Aotearoa and inspire us with your wahine-centred, ultra-extreme climate activism.
As the first indigenous people to discover Antarctica, long before the evil white European colonists (yourself excepted, girlfriend), we are invested in stopping all that ice melting… yeh bro.
We feel a strong kaitiakitanga to ice which, after all, is just frozen Three Waters, minus the floaters. A fourth water if you like.
The government of Aotearoa, indirectly through us, is willing to fund all your expenses, flying first-class to Tamaki Makaurau.
We would accommodate you on a traditional marae so you can appreciate the real culture of our spiritual land, or in our regular suite at The Copthorne if you prefer.
We don’t have a large Schvedish pakeha group here, but our best genealogists are certain they can find you an iwi connection and present you with your very own whakapapa.
Please advise what dates suit.
Let’s board the green waka and do the climate mahi together.
Nga mihi
The Greens and Te Pati Maori
“Oh God! Another Third-World pissant country somewhere, playing at climate activism.
And what’s all that crap about discovering Antarctica. Everyone knows it was a Norvegian, Roald Amundsen, who got to the South Pole first. And Norvay only broke away from Schveden a few years earlier, so in fact, it was my country that really discovered it.
Who are these…Aotearoans, anyway!
Sorry…bros! You’re wasting my time. I’ve a proper, grown-up, multi-crises activist protest to attend.
In Amschterdam!!!!
Not bloody Tamaki Makaurau, wherever that is.”
Greta slammed the door behind her, sending a blast of fossil-fuel-power-generated hot air back into the room.
The “third-world” invitation billowed upwards then gently spiralled into the waste paper bin.
A fitting analogy for any future NZ ruled by either of our Far-Left political parties
…or a crazy extremist activist like Greta, for that matter.
Derek Mackie is a former geologist with a keen interest in current affairs and a penchant for satire.
3 comments:
You will have seen the short video on X of the interruption of the climatopolitiko utterings, then. I was a little 'shocked' but not really surprised.
Why is it you write such interest and to the point articles?
I know, you are "getting bored waiting for the Famous 3 (Politicians - you know Luxmuun & seemour, and that fella from up North) - to come out (no nothing to do with a closet) and announce to the World & NZ - we have a deal"! NO?
Two matters - and I pen these comments based on having sat and watched countless YouTube footage of following>>
1/- China;
1/a - if it was not for the Industries of the Western world looking for a "cheap labour who could and will build with can do attitude" to manufacture what is sought as sellable product [visit Bunnings], we would be stuck as no Western Nation could do what China has done our Unions would not have allowed it; -
1/b - thru the medium of YouTube, one can "visit" the hinterland of this Country, which many have done with camera, Go-Pro etc and what they have recorded is stunning - many of the videos "belay the myth" that China is a well founded & run Country - far from it;-
1/c - fossil fuels, they know they can get away with continued use of coal as their hydro electric systems just copes with civilian demand and they have not/ nor are they likely to - create wind farms and/or solar panels "by the acre".
1/d - if one wants to live in China, they have plenty of residents, that is if you wish to live in isolated areas, that do not have amenities that Western Civilians are used to. Yup you can find this thru YouTube - such buildings would solve the housing problem in Rotorua (and anywhere else in NZ) overnight.
2/ - Greta, the "doyen of the small minded", and the one manipulated by the Adults including Mum & Dad. When Greta first arrived on "the scene" sadly what she was propelled to do (by the Adults) was very quickly exposed, YES we had some International Media (both print & TV) who "dug deep" and oh boy what they printed/filmed, was not well received by those "who where using Greta as the new face of climate change". Sad That.
Derek, before I go can you ring Leo Molloy and see if the "Famous 3 are parked up in his bar" - Ya never know - good round of bevies might solve things by midnight??
I prefer Greta Grate
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