“As of today’s date, you have a fines balance of $180.00. This fine is on hold until 29/11/2024 to allow you time to make your request with the PIB and receive a response.
If you have any further questions, please call us on 0800 434 637. Information on our operating hours can be found on our website: justice.govt.nz/fines/contact-us/.”
Nga Mihi
Caroline
Collections Registry Officer
I decided to give them a quick call to find out more and, hopefully, sort things out. Turns out I had received a parking fine of $40 in April, and a $35 speed camera ticket in July.
The next part of the conversation was boring but through encouraging deductive reasoning I got Henry (the MoJ person on the phone) to acknowledge two key elements.
1. I had never resided at the address that the original fines, and all subsequent reminders, had been sent to.
2. No such address actually exists.
I noted I was, of course, prepared to pay the original fines when they actually arrive where I have lived since March. Clearly I thought, problem solved, home and hosed.
Me: I will pay both fines when you send me the originals.
Henry: No. That won’t be good enough. The court has already done the work you now need to pay $180.
Me: Umm … Henry … we have established (without a Jedi mind trick) that I did not create the problem.
Henry: Yes but you need to pay today with your credit card.
Me: Henry … I do not have a credit card and I will only be paying the original fine. You fix your problem. Your team were, eventually, able to find out where I actually live … but the police (despite being notified twice), and the Auckland Council, clearly thought I was still living at an address I have never lived at and that does not in fact exist. None of the three highly funded organisations thought to try an email or phone call across the 8 months. I was not in hiding.
Henry: You need to pay $180 by this Friday or we will take further action.
Me: Have you read Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams?
Henry: No. Should I have?
Me: Yes. The first three chapters should be required reading for every aspirational bureaucrat (author’s note – I acknowledge the oxymoron).
Henry: Stick to the topic. RESISTANCE IS USELESS. Pay by Friday or else.
Me: Or else what Henry?
Henry: We will add another $100 to your bill.
Me: For a problem I did not create in any way?
Henry: RESISTANCE IS USELESS.
Me: Anything else?
Henry: We will put a seize on your account and send a bailiff to your property.
Me: I don’t even know what the first part means – and what will a bailiff do?
Henry: He will look for assets to claim to match your fine – while walking around shouting “RESISTANCE IS USELESS”.
Me: Okay. Well, for $180 we have a few dozen excess eggs – the chickens are currently laying well – and I have 6 pairs of old running shoes that normally go for $20 on Trade Me.
Henry: Don’t try to be funny. RESISTANCE IS USELESS. It will be $280 by then.
Me: We have an old fridge in the garage – should be worth a hundy.
Henry. Ha, ha. RESISTANCE IS USELESS.
Today I received a follow-up brilliantly asking me to prove a negative by providing evidence that I did not receive the notifications.
“If you did not received the reminder notice, please complete the dispute form that was emailed to you, and attached evidence to support your application. As of today’s date, you have a fines balance of $180.00. This fine is on hold until 29/11/2024”
My reply was brief.
Alwyn Poole, a well-known figure in the New Zealand education system, he founded and was the head of Mt Hobson Middle School in Auckland for 18 years. This article was published HERE
The next part of the conversation was boring but through encouraging deductive reasoning I got Henry (the MoJ person on the phone) to acknowledge two key elements.
1. I had never resided at the address that the original fines, and all subsequent reminders, had been sent to.
2. No such address actually exists.
I noted I was, of course, prepared to pay the original fines when they actually arrive where I have lived since March. Clearly I thought, problem solved, home and hosed.
Me: I will pay both fines when you send me the originals.
Henry: No. That won’t be good enough. The court has already done the work you now need to pay $180.
Me: Umm … Henry … we have established (without a Jedi mind trick) that I did not create the problem.
Henry: Yes but you need to pay today with your credit card.
Me: Henry … I do not have a credit card and I will only be paying the original fine. You fix your problem. Your team were, eventually, able to find out where I actually live … but the police (despite being notified twice), and the Auckland Council, clearly thought I was still living at an address I have never lived at and that does not in fact exist. None of the three highly funded organisations thought to try an email or phone call across the 8 months. I was not in hiding.
Henry: You need to pay $180 by this Friday or we will take further action.
Me: Have you read Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams?
Henry: No. Should I have?
Me: Yes. The first three chapters should be required reading for every aspirational bureaucrat (author’s note – I acknowledge the oxymoron).
Henry: Stick to the topic. RESISTANCE IS USELESS. Pay by Friday or else.
Me: Or else what Henry?
Henry: We will add another $100 to your bill.
Me: For a problem I did not create in any way?
Henry: RESISTANCE IS USELESS.
Me: Anything else?
Henry: We will put a seize on your account and send a bailiff to your property.
Me: I don’t even know what the first part means – and what will a bailiff do?
Henry: He will look for assets to claim to match your fine – while walking around shouting “RESISTANCE IS USELESS”.
Me: Okay. Well, for $180 we have a few dozen excess eggs – the chickens are currently laying well – and I have 6 pairs of old running shoes that normally go for $20 on Trade Me.
Henry: Don’t try to be funny. RESISTANCE IS USELESS. It will be $280 by then.
Me: We have an old fridge in the garage – should be worth a hundy.
Henry. Ha, ha. RESISTANCE IS USELESS.
Today I received a follow-up brilliantly asking me to prove a negative by providing evidence that I did not receive the notifications.
“If you did not received the reminder notice, please complete the dispute form that was emailed to you, and attached evidence to support your application. As of today’s date, you have a fines balance of $180.00. This fine is on hold until 29/11/2024”
My reply was brief.
Alwyn Poole, a well-known figure in the New Zealand education system, he founded and was the head of Mt Hobson Middle School in Auckland for 18 years. This article was published HERE
6 comments:
This should be required reading for everyone on the Left of politics who typically vote for more government control over their daily lives.
Would you really want this bunch of (oxy)moronic bureaucrats looking after your affairs or would you rather do it yourself.
It's a no-brainer...and therein lies the problem for those who vote for more of this crap.
what do you expect when you pay peanuts?
With all the affirmative action policies in the public service, these people aren't hired for their brains. It's no coincidence that Wellington is a Green Party stronghold.
If you didn't get prior notice of those tickets you may possibly have a complete defense.
Defense Council - "Your Honour, my opening statement is that, we Defense Council have written to the Authorities, the written communication being hand delivered by Courier, to the Agencies that issued said "tickets" asking them to provide evidence that my Client resided at the address[s] at the time of said offense[s] occurring. To date your Honour we have -
[1] - not received confirmation, from said agencies, that our written communications were received, when we specifically sought that action
[2] - through our research can provide evidence that our Client did not reside at the residences stated
[3] - sought through Prosecution Council assistance in clarifying our request, to be told that said agencies are in the midst of DEI conferences and will not be available to provide further
evidence or attend Court.
Therefore your Honour, on behalf of my Client - He pleads Not Guilty.
I worked in the MOJ collections team for a few years and regularly had this type of smart arse callers. We just normal people doing our job, rather than sitting on the dole. If you want to make sure you get your mail, keep your address updated mate.
Dealing with idiotic correspondence and wrongful demands from anything government related is quite normal. Had a friend who recently had knee operation and had 6 months medical clearance exempt from work. Ministry of Social Development sent her a letter claiming IRD had evidence she had received payment and wages in that time. It was of course total bullshit and after having proved they were completely wrong their only response was. "Appropriate action will be taken."
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