Not quite up there with “Is there a God?” or “What happens when I die?” or even “Is the Universe infinite?”, it is nonetheless a contemporary enigma that needs solving, in my opinion.
Why can’t you catch Covid, sitting down, without a mask, in a public eating place?
I only ask because many months of observation has confirmed that people who religiously wear face-masks everywhere, outside and in, standing or walking, alone or in a crowd, are perfectly happy to whip them off when seated in public eating places.
I’m principally talking about cafes and restaurants here, which seem just as busy as ever, even though current daily case numbers are hitting the 10,000+ mark and deaths have never been higher.
This contrasts markedly with lockdown days when cases were generally less than a 100 and deaths were few and far between. Back then, eating out was either banned or restricted to takeaways.
Funny how “experts” change their mind…or in this case do a complete 180!
Anyway, back to my conundrum. I’m sure we’ve all witnessed this phenomenon.
The bell over the door tinkles, signalling a new customer. Entering with their face-mask firmly strapped in place, eyes scanning left and right, they look for those reassuring, yet barely distinguishable nods of approval or a bobbed eyebrow from the patrons present, affirming that they’re part of the herd.
Striding proudly to the counter, they engage the masked assistant in repetitive, muffled requests for food and drink, each straining to understand the other and hopefully avoiding any order mishaps.
A swift glance around locates a table, on the way to which a casual chat with an unmasked acquaintance ensues. Normally keeping at least 2m distance between themselves when they talk at the end of their driveways, they're now happy to bend over to within inches of each other's faces, so they can hear over the general hubbub.
On reaching the table, as soon as their rear-end contacts the seat the face-mask is cast aside with a flourish.
The relief is palpable, often accompanied by a sigh!
Then it’s open-slather on talking, laughing, eating, coughing, snorting…I’ve seen it all.
Apparently protected by some invisible and unknown force of nature which prevents the Covid virus from infecting them.
If they feel the urge to visit the facilities, or get a glass of water, or leave the premises, the face-mask is diligently re-applied before they stand up.
Now, I’ve tried to find scientific papers to explain this practice. I’ve even listened to One News, painful as it is, in the hope that Shaun, Siouxsie or Michael would clarify the reasoning and viral mechanics justifying this seemingly reckless behaviour.
Surely, Covid “experts” would have researched and published extensively on this topic, showing why it is safe enough to remove your viral guard, when surrounded by countless bare-faced potential infectors in a small enclosed space - but ONLY if you’re sitting down and eating.
My search found nothing so I’ve come up with a couple of tentative theories myself.
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Theory 1: In enclosed spaces, Covid is barely present up to 1.5m above the floor.
My theory is firmly founded on one of the natural laws of physics - heavy stuff always sinks lower than lighter stuff, if able to do so.
Let me elaborate. Heavy gases like Argon (0.9% vol) and CO2 (only 0.04% vol) are denser than the main components of air, Nitrogen and Oxygen (99% vol), so you would expect them to concentrate close to the ground, if normal atmospheric circulation is removed.
In addition, tightly packed human respiration units, constantly blasting out CO2, further increase the heavy gas load.
Microscopic virus particles, with next-to-no mass, would find it very difficult to sink into this denser body of air so would be concentrated above it.
I have absolutely no data to back my theory up and I can’t be bothered taking my own samples and getting them analysed ….so, in this regard, I meet the standard method of most “scientific” papers these days and I’m satisfied with that.
However, proof aside, it does nicely explain how, once you’ve lowered yourself into a sitting position, you’re largely safe from infection.
Very tall people, or those with an exceptionally long back or neck, would have to be careful not to inadvertently enter the “death zone” and should best sit slumped forward on the table as a precaution or wear their mask while eating!
Another supporting piece of evidence is that young children have a very low susceptibility to catching Covid.
Well, they would have - they’re just too short!
Unless they’re riding on Dad’s shoulders or climbing on the jungle gym, they should be fine.
If I’m right, then the requirement to mask-up on public transport (basically a room on wheels), even though you’re seated, should be done away with.
I’ll take great satisfaction in making bus and train travel, already a tortuous affair, less unpleasant in future.
Theory 2: Eating and drinking kills Covid
This hypothesis lacks the scientific rigour of theory 1 but is compelling nonetheless.
Why do you go into a cafe or restaurant? To eat and drink, of course.
There could be a connection, in my mind, between stuffing yourself and contracting the virus.
Bear with me. You’ve removed your virus preventer and are now dicing with intensive care or worse. Covid is circulating, waiting for an orifice it can dive down.
Spotting your exposed laughing gear it approaches inexorably.
Infection is every bit assured as a mozzie buzzing in your ear the moment the sun slips below the horizon on a balmy summer’s evening, just as that beer bottle touches your lips, causing you to fling your arms about and sending a cascade of cold liquid into your crotch as you run for the flyspray.
In the bugger goes and is just nestling down at the back of your throat, feeling smug and contemplating cell invasion and reproduction, when a great wodge of kumara flan or date-and-orange scone barrels into it, wrapping the virus in that soft sticky mess and taking it for a one-way acid bath in your stomach.
Perhaps one or two little virallettes have managed to cling on. Phew, that was close! But they haven’t bargained on the follow-up scalding flood of trim latte or americano which deals to the stragglers and sends them to join their mates in the Covid cemetery.
Needless to say, feeding your face only works if consumption is timed just at the point of infection.
My theory could also explain why some people in households where Covid is rife never contract it. The diseased are stuck in their bedrooms suffering, leaving the healthy specimen isolating in the rest of the house with nothing else to do but binge-watch telly and snack constantly, wiping out viral ninjas with a combo of pot noodle and coke.
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Like me, I’m sure many of you have tried to explain this baffling occurrence and you may have your own theories. I’d love to hear them and am open to receiving feedback on my ideas.
Don’t worry. Unlike all our Covid “experts”, I won’t cancel you if you disagree with me.
Ashley Bloomfield has just resigned so we can’t expect any more “nuggets of wisdom” from him. His parting shot was basically to keep getting jabbed and wear your mask at all times. Even though NZ case numbers are the highest in the World and most victims that are hospitalised or fatally succumb have been fully vaccinated or, worse still, boosted.
If my theories catch on, and my gut tells me that either or even both could be on the money, then forget vaccines and face masks.
Just buy some knee pads and gloves so you can crawl to the counter of your favourite eatery. Cafes could get on board by painting a red line around their walls, 1.5m from the floor, warning you to stay below it at all times.
And always carry an emergency supply of muesli bars which you can munch on while waiting on your order.
Buy that V8 gas-guzzler too. More atmospheric CO2 should raise the height limit of the Covid safe zone, allowing us to walk around normally in a few years time.
Or, you can do what I do right now and only visit cafes that don’t enforce the pointless face-mask rule.
Puff your chest out, pull the door wide, and confidently scan the room. If you encounter an alarmed starer make eye contact, flash your eyebrows and don’t give an inch. They always look away first. Revel in placing your order clearly and only once! Then choose a table right next to the most disapproving customer and smile at them.
Either way, going out for a coffee and a muffin will never be the same again!
Derek Mackie is a geologist with a keen interest in current affairs.
4 comments:
Best course of action...don't wear a mask. If we really thought this was going to help our fellow citizens we would wear one. No logic to the: Stand up-masks on. Sit down masks off. Same room, same space, same people.
My theory is fear of authority and wanting to be one of the crowd.
The entire COVID-19 narrative is nonsense and has been from the start. I would encourage you to read the PANData report on the WHO's public health principles vs the COVID-19 response. You'll find almost every rule in public health medical ethics was openly broken by the government's response to seasonal detoxification. The only virus that exists is the imaginary one that has been created using computer modelling and is based upon other fictional computer models.
Makes sense to a degree Derek but what about those individuals driving around in their cars with masks on? Most of the ones I have seen are sitting down.............
The café phenomenon is similar to the mystery that sees COVID non-existent when sport is being played. Two opposing teams can interact physically and unmasked, but, as soon as the final whistle blows, competing teammates must immediately observe 2-metre distancing and masking because the China virus suddenly becomes a threat. This is all true because I've seen it on the TV! Fascinating!
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