Derek Mackie: A Day in the Life of......a Green Icon

Welcome to Sunday, with Miriama Kamo! 

 This week the entire programme is devoted to a story demonstrating woman-power in action and will be an inspiration to all progressive Kiwis. 

Our young, but highly experienced female reporter, Wun-Zai Don-Lee (W) [pron “one-si’de on-ly”], was graciously given permission to shadow young, female Green MP, Chloe Smugchyck (C), and record a typical day in her life. 

 

What you’re about to see is a talented, contemporary woman, who is also a NZ member of parliament, exhibiting passion, dedication and devotion to the planet, and by extension, Aotearoa. 

This story should make us all want to strive to be exemplary global environmental citizens, just like Chloe. 

 And reflecting Sunday’s commitment to being an inclusive and equal opportunities employer, we're proud to say that the whole production team behind Wun-Zai was exclusively female. 

We’ve gone even further and imposed a moratorium on hiring male staff - Maori excluded, naturally - to ensure fair, balanced and equal outcomes for our wahine. 

 Now, to our story. Watching this changed my life. I’m sure it will change yours too! 

 Sunrise 

W: It’s 6:30 am and we’re inside Green MP, Chloe Smugchyck’s small but homely central Wellington apartment. Chloe has just got up, drawn her curtains and is waiting for the sun to rise over the horizon. 

Or more precisely, over the roof of the higher apartment block just in front.    

   Is this how you always start your day, Chloe? 

C: Always, Wun-Zai. My bedroom faces due East. I rented this apartment specifically for that reason. And it had the added environmental bonus of two communal solar panels on the roof, shared between all ten flats.

Meditating while catching the first rays of the sun allows me to commune with Gaia and centre myself before the demanding day ahead. 

W: What do you do if it’s wet and cloudy? This is Wellington, after all. 

C: Those are the truly special days, Wun-Zai. 

I believe when the sun is hidden behind rain clouds - which as you so rightly point out is common in our centre of government - Gaia is shedding tears for the calamitous state MAN-kind has left our planet in. 

She is entreating women to stand against the tyranny of industry, wealth and profit and use our innate nurturing abilities to heal the planet’s wounds and restore balance. 

W: That is so inspirational, Chloe. I think you’re wonderful…and I voted Greens at the last election. I was too young to vote before that. 

   Oh, will they cut that bit out, do you think? 

C: If we were in power, Wun-Zai, you could vote at 16. 

Breakfast 

W: So Chloe, is what you eat important to you? 

C: I think you already know the answer to that, Wun-Zai. 

I’m a strict vegan. All other food contributes indirectly to catastrophic climate change - the effects of which are all too obvious to any sane and reasonable person. Or involves the killing of animals, which I cannot condone, dairy herds aside. 

W: And what are you having this morning? It’s very colourful. 

C: Doesn’t it look amazing! 

This is my super-nutrient smoothie which I have every morning. Quite a bit of veggie chopping - the beetroot, broccoli, cabbage and carrots give me a good work out! Then into my whizzer with some organic, locally sourced goji berry juice. 

Would you like to try some? 

W: I’d love to. I’m sure anything you eat will taste delicious and….oh, my God, that’s awful…ly unusual, isn’t it! Leaves a strange after-taste on the tongue. 

Have you got any milk I can wash it down with? 

C: It is an acquired taste, I admit, and it can play havoc with your bowels for the first few weeks. But my body has adjusted and I feel great. 

Still, it pays to know where the nearest toilet is, just in case. 

And, NO, I don’t have any milk! 

Commuting to work 

W: We’re driving alongside Chloe as she bikes to the Beehive to start her day as a transformational Green MP. 

   Do you always bike to work, Chloe? 

C: Always! 

Unless it’s raining…or too windy…or too hot in summer. In which case I get the bus. 

W: Luckily, Wellington has lots of cycle lanes which must make it easier?

C: Actually, I think cycle lanes are discriminatory. 

They are so much narrower than the car lanes and pushed off to the side, which speaks volumes about how cyclists, who are helping save the planet after all, are regarded by Waka Kotahi and local councils in general. 

W: Surely, it’s safer being in your own lane at the side of the road than riding with cars, isn’t it? 

C: This is about so much more than being safe, Wun-Zai. 

This is about ensuring that minority groups get rights and benefits - something the Greens pride themselves on increasing year after year - at least equal to that of the vast majority. 

I’ll demonstrate. Watch this!

 

W: Chloe has pulled out right into the middle of the car lane and is now causing quite a traffic build up. 

It’s truly inspiring seeing this incredible woman, proudly sitting on her saddle while metaphorically standing up for cyclists rights. I feel the urge to rush out and buy a bike myself. An e-bike though, because the hills in Wellington can be brutal. 

Cars are starting to sound their horns and I can hear some inappropriate comments from drivers, all male as far as I can tell. 

Oh no! A bus is pulling out right in front of Chloe!! 

C: Watch where you’re going, you gas-guzzling bastard! Nobody cuts off Chloe Smugchyck and gets away with it. 

W: My camera-sister has just pointed out that the bus is electric but ….. I don’t believe it, Chloe’s trying to overtake the bus! 

Oncoming traffic is having to veer away from her. Some people might call this reckless and not the sort of behaviour an MP should display. But, as the saying goes “Hell hath no fury like a Green woman scorned”.   You go girl!!

We’ve just been passed by a police car with all lights flashing and they’re ordering Chloe into the cycle lane. She’s dropped her bike in the middle of the road and is lying prostrate on the centre-line. 

We’re going to stop filming here to protect Chloe’s privacy….cut! 

The Beehive - 3 hours later 

W: We’ve reconnected with Chloe who was taken to Wellington Central Police Station and charged with obstructing traffic, abusing a police-officer and breach-of-the-peace. She’s now been released on caution, and is going to take us up to her office. 

   Chloe, do you want to apologise to the public of Aotearoa for the incident this morning? 

C: That wasn’t an incident, Wun-Zai. That was classic Green activism, loud and proud, and I’d do it again in an instant. 

I’ve demanded a public apology from the bus company and the police for infringing my rights as a climate campaigner. The Police Commissioner has assured me all charges will be dropped and he will publish a full apology to myself, the Green Party and the planet in the NZ Herald. 

The two officers, both male I might add, will be stood down and only returned to duty after completing a MAN-made climate activism awareness course. 

C: I set an example to all cyclists this morning. They can’t be pushed around by cars…or buses…or even cop cars. 

Saving the planet requires us all to take risks. 

W: What about public safety? 

C: Do Extinction Rebellion care about public safety when they lie across motorways…or chain themselves to diggers…or sit on top of power station chimneys? Of course not. 

What good is our own personal safety when the planet is on the verge of spontaneously combusting due to the profligate use of fossil fuels, driving global temperatures to levels never experienced before. 

 Here - hold my scarf and gloves, will you, while I get my office key out. It was brass monkeys on that bike this morning! 

3 p.m - Green Party Policy Meeting 

W: We’re privileged to be invited to an internal Green Party meeting to ratify the proposal changing the rules for the election of joint party leaders.

This should be exciting and a great opportunity to see Chloe at her organisational and diplomatic best. We’ll just go in quietly and observe. 

C: Oh, stop bleating, James. 

You don’t have the numbers to oppose the proposal. Anyway, more women vote Greens than men so why shouldn’t we have one guaranteed female leader. 

As a male - makes me gag every time I have to say that word - you can still apply for the other spot, along with our exemplary members who identify as female, non-binary, transgender, etc. 

Oh, no! That’s right. You’re not Maori, are you? Damn, that’s unlucky. I made sure this extra requirement was adopted to meet our co-governance obligations to the Treaty. 

As it happens, it also renders you ineligible, allowing me to campaign for your position. 

W: Excuse me! Can I ask a question? 

C: This is Wun-Zai from the Sunday programme. 

They’re making a tax-payer funded documentary about me. It’s effectively a prime-time Green Party political broadcast. 

Of course. We welcome free and open debate in the Green Party. 

W: Do you think it’s fair to guarantee leadership positions on the basis of gender and race, potentially excluding candidates who may be the most able and qualified? 

C: Short answer - ABSOLUTELY! 

Long answer - Oh yeah! ABSOLUTELY! 

W: Can you elaborate and justify, please? 

C: I thought you were on board with all this, Wun-Zai. You vote Greens, you’re a woman. 

Look, even James admits that women have a greater connection to mother Earth. Men just go around causing havoc and messing things up. Starting wars, pillaging the planet’s resources, encouraging runaway world population. There’s no end to the misery they’ve caused. That’s the way it’s been since history began. 

Now it’s our turn. And one small step we are taking is to ensure that no more men lead the Green Party. We will be woman-centric and all the better for it. 

W: Right. It just doesn’t seem very democratic, that’s all. 

I voted Greens to save the planet, of course, but I also liked your old joint-leadership policy, representing both sexes equally. 

C: It was progressive for its time, but not progressive enough in today’s woke age. 

Traditional men are out of fashion, pure and simple. They’re yesterday’s news. About as much use as an old fish-and-chip wrapper and they don’t smell much better! Now do you understand? 

W: Yes, I think so. Not sure my boyfriend agrees with you though. He’ll be switching his vote to Labour. 

C: Good riddance! Maybe you should find someone who aligns more with the Greens new values. 

W: Mmm…maybe. 

Evening - final interview at Chloe’s flat 

W: We’re back at Chloe’s cosy flat after an event-filled day. It’s certainly been the most exciting assignment I’ve had in my long career as a young reporter. 

   Would you describe this as a typical day, Chloe? 

C: Maybe not typical. But we made some noise, poked the hornet’s nest, and got a reaction. That’s a good day in my book. 

I did a damn sight more today than most MPs do in their whole career in parliament.

W: Do you aspire to be joint leader of the Greens? 

C: Of course. Politics is all about power and influence and you can’t change anything without them. 

In saying that, I will never compromise my green values and principles simply to get into power. 

The dire state of the climate and the future of the planet dwarf any personal ambitions of mine. 

W: You acknowledge that to change things you need political power, which means votes in a democracy. 

Do you think the Party’s decision to effectively discriminate against half the population - men - could jeopardise the Greens representation in parliament? 

C: Women are the future of politics, Wun-Zai. 

The Greens have made a strong statement today to selectively support women and, I believe, many will flock to us, more than making up for any votes we lose from men.

 

W: And on that note, it only leaves me to thank you for a most memorable day in the company of one of my political heroes. 

This is Wun-Zai Don-Lee, wishing you a very good night……….. Cut! 

Off the record 

C: Well, off the record, can we rely on your support at the next election? 

W: I’m not sure. I’ll have to think about it. 

C: Have to think about it! Think about what? 

W: I’m not comfortable with the direction the Greens are heading in. Focusing on particular genders and ignoring others. 

I’m an inclusive kind of person…your new policy is exclusive. 

C: Women have been excluded for thousands of years! We’ve been second class citizens. 

Only in the last 50 years or so have we started to demand and receive equality - and we’re still not there yet! 

W: I know and I agree with you. But now that we’re so close, why discriminate against men when ultimately that policy failed them. 

Aren’t we just putting all our gains at risk? 

C: I don’t understand. You’re exactly the type of woman our new policy should appeal to. 

Young, left-wing, professional, progressive, environmentally aware - don’t you want to save the planet? 

W: Oh, I want to save the planet. Just not at the expense of half the human race. 

Goodbye, Ms Smugchyck. 

Derek Mackie is a geologist with a keen interest in current affairs.