Saturday, December 23, 2023

Derek Mackie: 'Twas the night before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas 
And at Parliament House 
Not an MP shit-stirring 
Was as quiet as a mouse 

Stetsons were hung up 
Te Reo classes had ended 
Three Waters recruitment on hold 
 5-year contracts suspended 

Three years of hell over 
Hope and sense had returned 
Labour kicked into touch 
The Left’s advances were spurned 

Mainstream media were livid 
Us plebs got it so wrong 
Hell hath no fury 
Like the press gallery scorned 

A new era was dawning 
In the life of our nation 
Then Nicola opened the books 
Revealing more debt and stagnation 

Our old Finance Minister 
Had fed us big fat fiscal lies 
He’d scoffed all the lamingtons 
And chugged down all the pies 

Proud of his sabotage 
In opposition he languished 
A smug mountain of waste… but 
Room for one more bacon sandwich 

So much for Treasury forecasts 
Not worth the price of the paper 
In cahoots with Red Robbo 
And the great socialist caper 

Still, look on the bright side 
NZTA’s made a comeback 
Now the whole woke public service 
Needs transformed or the sack 

Another year almost over 
Christmas Day nearly here 
Things could always be better 
Want Labour back? God, no fear! 

So, give thanks for your presents 
Even those that don’t fit ye 
And hope Santa stops off 
For a dump down Grant’s chimney 

Have a Merry Xmas! 

Derek Mackie is a former geologist with a keen interest in current affairs and a penchant for satire.


Rob Beechey said...


Anonymous said...

Dear Mr Mackie.

Sir, I am writing on behalf of The Climate Activist, Economic Survivability, and all other Bull Shit Committees, that have a lot to say, but rarely do anything constructive.

We are appalled that you would suggest, that "Dear Santa", would dare stop, over 'a chimney and down trou', just 'to deliver a message just to Grant R.'

Can we supply a list of other MP's that the same action could be applied too?

If you are happy with that approach, we will see if we can "bride Santa", we are thinking of "sponsoring" several crates (750 ml bottles) - of Lion Red, Lion Brown, Waitamata, Waikato, Tui, and the odd Speight's.

We think "that such stimulus" might help the "continuous flow, of the you know what", during the evening, of the 24th December.

Bless you Sir, yours

Ted. Sec Gen.

hughvane said...

If you & Garrick Tremain could join forces, 'What A Wonderful World' (with due deference to Thiele & Weiss) we might enjoy on B-Views.

Doug Longmire said...

Thank You, Derek.
Your posts this year have been excellent.
Marry Christmas and Happy Holiday Season to you and family.

Peter said...

Brilliant Derek, another cracker for Xmas! (Pun intended)

The only wee change I'd perhaps suggest is the fourth stanza:

Mainstream media were livid
Us plebs had PIJF dawned
Hell hath no fury
Like the press gallery scorned

Merry Christmas to you and yours - do please keep them coming!